My Real Life

April 11, 2018

Guess Who Went to Florida? – Part Three

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amy @ 6:00 am
I’m not going to go day by day for this part of the adventure. We were in Orlando for five days, and no one needs five more blog posts about this trip.
However, it should be noted that Monkey Girl was our tour guide, despite never having been to Universal before.
If we needed to know where to go, we’d simply call out her name and she would guide us.
She called up the app on her phone and gave us real-time line wait times so we knew where to skip and where to run.
Coming into the parking garage, the attendants would ask where we were from and what we were visiting and direct us on our way.
We got a chuckle out of a woman I named “Gina” (because that’s what I do) who was dancing and motioning and getting everyone to the right spots in the parking lot, and it was evident, right from the get-go, that this was going to be a good day.
We decided on Universal Studios before Islands of Adventure, and our very first ride was Jimmy Fallon’s Race Through New York.
Because why not travel 20 hours to ride on something we could do 30 minutes from home?
This ride I recommend to everyone.
Much of Universal and Islands of Adventure is made up of 4D motion simulators. There are very few actual, old school, rides.
Many of the rides are a mix of motion simulator and short bursts of movement within the car.
All six of us LOVED the Jimmy Fallon ride. From the waiting area where riders were treated to clips of his funniest moments, to live performances by the barbershop quartet and Hashtage the Panda, to the actual ride itself, it is entertaining all the way through.
As an aside, lines are something that Universal does well.
Yes, you may need to wait for an hour to get on a ride, however, there are fans and mist and tv screens that suck you in to the story that goes along with each ride.
And while I won’t spoil the stories and surprises of each line, I will say, Universal keeps you entertained while you wait.
And, in the areas where they don’t, there are ways to entertain yourself.
For example, the six of us played Rock, Paper, Scissors, or another hand game called Shotgun, or Heads Up on my phone to keep busy.
Heads Up kept us AND the people around highly entertained.
I’m a little competitive and I yell when I play games, and several times as I was trying to guess what my screen said I was, the kids said “Mom…you don’t have to yell! People are staring!”
Which did not make me stop yelling.
Anyway, from Jimmy Fallon, we moved to The Mummy.
I’m a sucker for all things Egyptian history, and I love all the Mummy movies.
Five of us loved this ride intensely.
One of us, who is seven, most intensely did not.
It was a little scary if you’re little.
And this, my friends, was a rookie mistake of ours.
Because Tiny spent the next four days being afraid of rides.
And so we took turns sitting out the rides with him while everyone else went on.
Which is fine. Because it’s what parents do.
But, if we could do it again, that boy would not have ridden The Mummy.
I don’t remember the order of everything we did, but I’ll tell you some of our favorite things we rode and saw.
In Universal Studios, Real Man, Monkey in the Middle and Monkey girl rode the Rip Ride Rock-It, which is a large, loopy coaster that they all deemed amazing.
The highlight of the ride, for Monkey Girl, was that you were able to program your head seat with your choice of music for the ride.
The Shrek 4D ride had the potential to be fun, but no one’s 3D glasses were working, so, as Real Man said, it was more like a 2.5D show.
The Men In Black ride brings you on as a trainee for the program, and as you ride the ride, you are responsible for shooting aliens with your laser gun.
At the end, your cart is graded as to how many aliens you killed, and although Real Man and Monkey in the Middle were highly accurate with their shots (according to their personal scores) the rest of the cart brought our score down to “Bug Bait.”
Throughout Universal Studios, there are shows to watch, impromptu and planned, and we enjoyed the fish throwing acrobatic show that took place in the middle of the park, and Tiny and I enjoyed the 3:00 parade through the lot while everyone else rode the Transformers ride.
Transformers was a good ride, as per Baby Monkey who has seen every movie and knows every robot/car/and character.
Meanwhile, I enjoyed watching the parade characters try to elicit a smile out of Tiny, who apparently feels that smiling at strangers is not allowed, and stared them down.
And while we were enjoying the parade, Real Man and the big monkeys were watching their own drama, in the Transformers line, where the woman behind them was on her cell phone, with her boyfriend, who was giving her the news that something or someone had killed her cat the night before.
Because why wouldn’t you give someone that information while they are on line at a theme park?
At Islands of Adventure, the park is broken into “lands” that are themed. There is Toon Town, Superhero Way, Harry Potter’s Wizarding World, Dr. Seuss Land, The Forgotten City, Kong’s Island, and Jurassic Park.
We spent the next three days at Islands of Adventure, running back to Universal once or twice along the way.
The first ride we hit was the Hulk ride (pronounced ‘Hoke” in our family, because Tiny commonly mispronounces things, and those then because the official pronounciations for our squad.)
Monkey Girl and her parents decided to ride this, and with a 30 minute wait, Monkey in the Middle offered to stay in the shade across from the entrance with the younger boys.
Unfortunately, about 30 minutes into our wait, the ride had a bit of a malfunction, and the wait time became over an hour and thirty minutes.
But, we were in it, and had already waited 30 and didn’t know how long the rest of the wait would be, so we stayed.
With no phones to contact the boys, because you had to check your belongings.
Side note: Another thing that Universal does well, is offer free lockers to store your belongings while you ride the rides.
The digital locks are updated with the wait times for the rides, and it is free for approximately 30 minutes longer than the line time plus the actual ride time.
Locks are unlocked with a fingerprint.
Which, by the way, is also how you enter the park with the Park to Park pass. With your finger print.
Real Man noted that the CIA has nothing on Universal with regards to a database of the fingerprints of people traveling in the US.
And, I should mention that we are not entirely sure that Monkey Girl IS, in fact, Monkey Girl, as her fingerprint didn’t work in either park after the first day.
She had to show her driver’s license every time, as the scan of her finger came up with a big, red X.
When we finally got onto the Hoke, it was a quick, but super fun ride with loops and twists and speed.
I probably wouldn’t have ridden it if I had known the line would be that long, but I’m glad I did.
In Toon Town we rode the Simpson’s 4D ride/simulator, and those of us who were fans of the show enjoyed every second of it.
It actually made me want to go back and binge-watch from the beginning.
The Spider-Man ride was another favorite of mine. Another mix of 4D movie/short bursts of track/and motion simulator. Really a cool one.
Tiny wanted his picture taken with just about everyone and everything he saw, and why not?
While Real Man and the big kids went to ride Kong (which they deemed HIGHLY entertaining) I took Tiny to Seuss World.
We rode the Carousel and the Seuss sky train and One Fish, Two Fish (in the rain)
Perfect for a little boy who was afraid to ride everything else.
Speaking of a little boy…
This kid kept us in stitches the entire trip.
For example, as the youngest of four who is much younger than the other three, he hears a lot of teenage talk that he doesn’t necessarily understand.
But, he wants to desperately to be like his siblings, and so he repeats things in the way that HE understands them.
Like “Roasted!”
You know, which is said when you verbally burn someone.
Except, Tiny says things like “Hey Dad! The Giants are gonna win the Super Bowl this year! ROASTED!”
And then he does this thing with his hands and his leg and his face and it’s freaking hilarious.
So, the week was spent with the rest of us saying things like “Hey Monkey Girl…your hair looks really pretty today! ROASTED!”
Or
“Mom…thanks for remembering to pack my retainer. ROASTED!”
Here is Tiny and Monkey Girl in full Roasted form.
Back to the fun…
We basically rode every single ride there was in the park. The only thing we missed was the ET ride.
But I need to talk about my favorite two lands in Islands of Adventure.
Because I need to.
Monkey Girl and I read the Harry Potter books together when she was a little girl.
Correction: We devoured those books.
Read. Re-read. Couldn’t put them down.
And when Baby Monkey was old enough, we introduced him to the story. And he, too, fell in love.
So, she and I have been waiting to visit Harry Potter Wizarding World since it was built.
And as we walked through the gates, into Diagon Alley, we held hands and gasped.
In Universal Studios, they have Diagon Alley, and you can take the train to Hogsmeade, (with the Park to Park pass) which is in Islands of Adventure.
Both are exact replicas of these locations in the movies, and the music from the movies are being piped through the park.
The stores are the same, some are just store fronts and some you can enter.
You can buy a wand from Olivander’s and there are places you can use that wand to make things happen in the shop windows.
We bought Butterbeer (loved by Monkey in the Middle and Tiny, but getting an “Eh” from the rest of us), rode the Escape from Gringott’s ride, and just soaked in all of the Harry Potter essence we could.
Monkey Girl and I agreed that it was cool, but it was the most packed part of the entire park, and it was too easy to lose the magic of the place as you were jostled around and turned around.
So, while it gets a thumbs up from both of us, we also felt a little disappointed in that particular part of the experience.
As a segue into the last part of the park that we visited, I need to explain that my #1 favorite movie of all time is Jurassic Park.
Not Jurassic World (although that is definitely in my top 10) but the original Jurassic Park.
That movie captivated me in a way that I cannot explain.
It is perfection.
I read the book, loved the book, but the movie?
Yes, please.
And, I should qualify this statement by saying that I was never a dinosaur kid. I don’t really even like dinosaurs, and was pretty grateful that none of my kids were ever really into dinosaurs either.
I have no idea what the difference between a brontosaurus and an apatosaurus are, nor do I care to know.
So, it’s really the story of Jurassic Park that captured me.
And as we walked through the gates of Jurassic Park, my heart started to beat faster.
It’s the sounds of the rainforest mixed in with the occasional, faint growl or thump of an unseen beast in the wild.
On our first day at Islands of Adventure, Real Man and the big kids went on the Jurassic Park river ride, and the kids got off and said that I would love it.
So, on our last day at the park, I got my turn.
And I loved it.
To be more clear, I actually started to cry a little as the boat began to move through the ride, because damn…I love me some Jurassic Park.
We needed some lunch, and entered one of the Jurassic Cafe’s (and ran into people from home while we ate!) and when we were finished, Baby Monkey said “Are we leaving? Why aren’t we going downstairs?”
I had no idea there was a downstairs, but he led the way, down the stairs and into the interactive discovery center.
By far, one of my favorite parts of the trip.
This discovery center had a lab that was a replica of the lab in the movie where they stop the tour and jump out of their seats to go in and look at the dinosaur eggs.
The kids got called over to see a baby dinosaur being hatched, and they thought that was supremely cool, even though they were aware it was just a puppet.
We x-rayed dinosaur eggs, we created our own species, we looked at fossils, and made a dinosaur talk.
An hour later when we re-entered the real world, we decided to do the Raptor Experience, where your family could interact with and have your picture taken with a “trained” velociraptor.
As we waited in line, one of the guides came over to tell everyone that this was not a ride, or a game, but a photo experience with a raptor, complete with hand motions that quickly became another integral part of our family’s language.
As we watched family after family have their photo taken with the raptor, a few things became clear.
  1. Tiny needed to be told that it was a person in a suit, and not a real raptor in the cage, in order for him to stand for that picture
  2. My hair was going in that raptor’s mouth
We had a family shot and a kid shot, and it was awesome…
In general, I can’t say enough about how much we enjoyed the parks, and the staff and the entire Universal experience.
At the end of the day, we would leave the park, find a local place to eat, then hit the hotel, maybe swim, maybe pass out, or maybe watch some tv. But every day, we were ready to go back.
Universal gets twelve thumbs up from this crew.
It needs to be noted that throughout the trip, everyone got sick.
Except me.
There were 101.2 degree fevers, sinus infections, upset stomachs, and coughs.
But I kept everyone medicated and they all powered through like troopers.
So, on day five, it was evident that what was needed was rest.
So, we visited Wonderworks Orlando, which my three road-trippers and I visited in Syracuse and loved, and this one did not disappoint, either.
We spent four hours exploring all of the hands-on fun, and then headed for the theater where we saw Ready, Player One.
This movie might deserve it’s own post.
It’s my favorite YA novel, and they did a wonderful job bringing it to the screen.
When the movie ended, we went back to the hotel, packed, and hit the hay.
The trip home was uneventful and we decided to do it in two days instead of three so we would have a full day at home to recuperate and shop and do laundry before a full week of school.
I’ve always tried to be truthful on this blog. I’ve tried to make sure that I share the good, the bad, and the ugly.
So, believe me when I say that despite the illness and the waits and the achy feet and legs and sibling fights (which amazingly were few and far between) this was probably my favorite trip I have ever taken with these people.
They all embraced the car ride, took care of each other, showed empathy to a 12 year old who was vomiting into baggies for 10 hours in the car, rolled with the lines in the parks, made sure everyone got to do what they wanted to do and see and ride.
Real Man’s feet and legs were killing him all day, every day. But he walked and stood and never complained. Even when his own stomach was hurting or his sneezes were so powerful they were almost throwing out his back with the force. He kept us laughing in the car, like when I started to cry while, listening to the Hamilton soundtrack, explaining that Eliza Hamilton opened up an orphanage after Alexander died, and how she saved all those little babies and children (I’ve got a thing about kids) and he asked “Oh, so Hamilton is the prequel to Annie?” Which immediately broke the car into hysterical laugher, cuz that’s how we roll.
Monkey Girl shared her joy and wonder with her little brothers and kept us on track and not lost and reminded us when there was something we had wanted to do but hadn’t gotten to yet, making sure that nothing was missed or left out.
Monkey in the Middle stepped it up and went to the front desk to get things we needed, spoke to waiters and adults to get things done for us, and basically acted (sometimes…not all the time) like a third adult on the trip and warmed our hearts and gave us glimpses of the man he is becoming.
Baby Monkey powered through some really crappy circumstances, and kept Tiny entertained, and rolled with the punches more than anyone else. He cracked jokes while he puked and when he was better, “Wherever you guys want to eat is fine,” or “Whatever you guys want to ride is okay with me” were his most-used phrases, and he showed a patience that we all needed to remind ourselves to use, at times.
And Tiny…he just kept us in stitches the whole time.
Again, I try to keep it real here, but aside from the usual family BS, this trip…this trip was it.

April 10, 2018

Guess Who Went to Florida? – Part Two

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amy @ 6:00 am
I’m a weird mix of spontaneous and planning.
I’m all up for an impromptu road trip where we throw some clothes in a bag, hit the road, and go see the sites of the billboards that look the most interesting, or wherever the Roadside America website tells me I’d love.
But, if I’m planning a trip, I’m planning the &%$* outta that trip.
And over the course of the next month or so, I emptied a bin of holiday decorations that would house the snacks and water for the car and the hotel, booked our hotel in South Carolina on the way down and back, and booked the hotel for Orlando.
Side note: my hotel booking rules for any trip are as such
  1. There must be free breakfast
  2. There must be an indoor pool (if we are traveling north) or an outdoor pool (if we are traveling south)
  3. The WiFi must be free
I made sure to book at an extended stay hotel so we could have a kitchen and not have to OD on fried food from the park all week.
Monkey Girl, who has inherited my list-making, planning genes, researched the parks and typed up an adorable, hysterical, thorough list of all of the rides and attractions our family must hit, based on each family member.
“Mom will LOVE this one. Tiny will never forgive us if we miss this!” Etc, etc, etc.
We were ready
Except, it’s not really possible to ever really BE READY when there are six of you, and as we packed snacks and water and clothes and games and books and homework, Monkey in the Middle had a sinus infection.
A fourteen year old boy with a sinus infection produces a LOT of snotty tissues, so immediately, extra garbage bags for the car were added to the mix.
We all went to school, that Thursday, and after school, Monkey Girl went to work, and as soon as I got home, I packed the car.
At 5:30, I picked up the girl, Real Man got home, added his suitcase to the car, and off we went
We drove a whole five minutes to McDonald’s, where we picked up dinner to go and started driving.
This first leg of the trip went quickly and we arrived in our Aunt Beth and Uncle Warren’s house. There were hugs, kisses, and exclamations of how tall people had gotten, and the kids (and I) headed to bed and passed out while Real Man shared family pics that had been scanned to a flash drive with his family.
The next morning, we woke up, ate breakfast, chatted for awhile, and then hit the road, once again.
Another one of Amy’s Road Trippin’ Rules is, “When in Rome,” meaning I prefer to hit local restaurants instead of chains. I like to feel the local flavor, and support local business wherever I go.
In fact, the book that started my love of the road (and my love for blogging, as it’s non-fiction writing in the digital era) is a book called “Blue Highways” by William Least Heat Moon, who left everything behind but his car and a map, and traveled the country, taking only the back roads.
He ate at local diners and chatted with the regulars, and often stayed the night in their homes.
Amazing book, people.
But, I digress…
Day two of the drive was uneventful.
Lots of traffic, which extended the trip about two hours, but there was homework getting done, books being read, logic puzzles being solved, and Mama’s music being blasted.
A colleague had lent me a portable DVD player with two screens (because we are also the ONLY FAMILY who has a car that doesn’t have a DVD player) and the kids also watched a few movies as we went.
On a road trip, we try to stop as little as possible, which means there is a lot of potty dancing in the car, but we seem to make it work.
At one point, I couldn’t hold it any longer and pulled off at a local gas station.
Side note: I’m not sure how I do it, but I seem to have a tendency to find the filthiest bathrooms in the country when I’m on the road.
And as we all reconvened in the car after one such potty break, we discovered that one of us had their phone fall out of their pocket into the toilet.
Post-pee.
So, I immediately went into Mama-mode, found the closest convenient store (an interesting, barely lit Mom and Pop operation) where I bought Ziploc bags and rice.
The phone stayed in the rice for two days and came out working just fine. This is life hack that works, folks.
Back to food…when we got to Florence, South Carolina, I looked around for local fare, but the hotel was right off of 95, and the result was that it was all chains.
We decided to hit a Ruby Tuesday’s simply because it was possible to get a vegetable and possibly some fruit there, as opposed to the chains.
In we went and were greeted by our lovely waitress who immediately began to take our orders in her thick, southern accent.
It’s at this point that I need to remind long time readers about one of my very first posts on this blog. (Found here)
In 2009, when we took the three monkeys to Topsail Island, NC, we ate at a Waffle House after driving all night.
We were all a little punchy and when the waitress arrived at the table and asked if we wanted bacon with our eggs and pancakes, Baby Monkey said (right in front of her) “Mama…why she say BAYcon?” Which sent us all into hysterics.
That story has been repeated so many times in our home, that when the Ruby Tuesdays waitress began to take our orders, the kids all began to giggle, and when she walked away, Tiny, who wasn’t even a twinkle in my eye at the time of the NC trip said “Why’d she say BAYcon?”
And then we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Our food took forever, and when it arrived, it was not particularly appetizing.
But we were starving. We had snacked through lunch out of the food bin, so we wouldn’t have to stop, and ate every bite of every thing that was placed in front of us.
So, of course, we all ordered dessert.
And then waited.
Again.
After (no lie) 20 minutes, my dessert came out, but the rest needed to still wait. For their ICE CREAM. Our guess was someone was running to the Piggly Wiggly to pick up some more.
Then it finally arrived, we ate and hit the hotel.
The Disney channel was showing Zombies (which I have been waiting to see) and everyone watched from their beds or fold-out couches, except for me, who feel immediately fast asleep.
The next day when we woke up, we began to suspect that the waitress had heard us giggling about the bacon story and thought we were making fun of her accent, and had told the kitchen staff to add a little special something to our meals, because no one was feeling very well.
Particularly Real Man and Baby Monkey.
This leg of the trip was slated to take six and a half hours.
Without going into too much detail, I will tell you that this leg of the trip actually took about ten hours.
In addition to traffic, we stopped at approximately every other exit for someone to hit the bathroom, and stopped at yet another convenient store so that Baby Monkey had baggies to vomit in.
Which he did.
For Ten. Straight. Hours.
We got to the hotel, finally, blessedly, and were ready to collapse, but some of us were hungry.
So, forgoing local fare, we had Papa John’s deliver some pizza and four of us ate and two of us went to sleep.
But people, we had made it.

April 9, 2018

Guess Who Went to Florida? – Part One

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amy @ 6:00 am
We have four kids.
This is not a surprise to anyone.
It’s crazy and chaotic and headache inducing and awesome and everything else all at the same time.
And while there are benefits to having four kids (they’ve got a built-in support system for life) there are certainly some things that hold us back, as well.
For example, we’ve never taken the kids anywhere other than the Jersey Shore for a vacation (except for one week, when they were little and there were only three of them, when we traveled to North Carolina) because six plane tickets is more than we can swing, AND because their age span is such that there was always someone in diapers, in a stroller, in need of a nap (the latter not always being one of the kids).
However, this year, I’ve felt a certain sense of impending loss as we begin to search for colleges and discuss what life will be like with Monkey Girl away.
The result of that loss is that I keep fighting the urge to hold on tighter, but that I also keep thinking about the experiences I want us to have, as a family, before she goes.
And so, one night in December, I said to Real Man, “I think this is it. I think we are finally in the sweet spot. Tiny doesn’t need a nap or a stroller or a diaper. You’ve taken Monkey in the Middle to hockey tournaments and I’ve taken the other three on road trips (to South Carolina to see the eclipse, up to Vermont to see a dear friend), so we know they can handle the car for long stretches of time. Monkey Girl is going to be mentally checked out next spring. I think this is our year.”
And so, a road trip to Universal Studios Florida was planned.
Because, you know, our kids are the ONLY kids who have NEVER been there. (I know, don’t even bother…I’m aware of the falsehood of that statement.)
Three days in the car to break up the driving.
Leg one to Maryland to visit Real Man’s beloved aunt and uncle.
Leg two to Florence, South Carolina.
Leg three to Orlando Florida.
I went online and found discount ticket websites for tix to Universal, and settled on the Undercover Tourist website, and the four day, two park passes (which I was positive were four day, three park passes and didn’t realize my mistake until we got to Florida…live and learn) with a fifth day in Florida to do whatever local fun we found.
And then we waited.
Patience is not my virtue, folks, and from the moment I pressed the “Pay Now” button, all I wanted to do was tell the kids.
However, I know Tiny well, and was well aware that the sooner we told him, the sooner we would have to start a countdown of how many sleeps until we left and we would have to answer the question, “Is it April yet?” approximately fifteen times a day.
So, we sat on it.
Until dinner one night in February when the kids began to talk about the spring break plans of their friends and Monkey Girl said “Hey, Dad…can you get a day off during Spring Break and we can hit the Liberty Science Center?”
Real Man played it cool and said he wasn’t sure that he could get the day off because it was a busy time, and the kids all started buzzing about the break and possible day trips and plans, and Real Man and I connected eyes over the table and realized that the time had come to share the plan.
As everyone started to get up from the table, I said “The first kid to get their dishes in the dishwasher gets to pick the park we visit first in Universal over Spring Break.”
Silence.
All four kids were frozen in their places.
Monkey in the Middle was the first to break.
“This is a den of lies,” he said (because my kids are nothing if not dramatic).
“Den of lies? What do you mean?” I asked.
“NO way are you taking six of us to Universal. We can’t afford it.”
“Well,” I responded, “We can’t afford to fly, but we can swing it if we drive!”
Monkey Girl was just staring with huge eyes, at this point. “I can’t decide if you guys are joking or not. And let me say, if you are joking, this is NOT funny.”
“No joke, baby,” I said, and she began to cry.
This girl has been waiting for this trip since she was teeny tiny and I was right about the sweet spot. The trip was happening just in time for her.
Baby Monkey just kinda sat at the kitchen table, smiling, taking it all in in the super cool, unfazed way he deals with everything, and Tiny said “I’m so excited! What’s Universal?”
The countdown began.

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