I didn’t actually think I was pregnant when I took that test in June 2010.
I didn’t feel well and hadn’t for a few days and so I was just ruling it out.
I honestly didn’t think I was pregnant.
A few months earlier, my doctor had come around her desk, sat on the edge and told me in a sad voice that I would never be able to have any more children due to some medical issues I was having.
We certainly weren’t planning on having any more kids, as Baby Monkey was a surprise, himself, and three seemed to be all we could handle.
I was sad, though, because that’s a decision that I wanted us to make.
I don’t like having decisions made for me.
However, the three babies we had were amazing babies, and so we were fine with it.
Except, I always had that nagging feeling that we weren’t quite complete, but I accepted what was.
Then, I took that test.
I walked it into the office where Real Man was on the computer and showed him.
He stared at me, I stared at him.
I walked back out of the room and we didn’t talk about it again for two days.
I’m a working mother, and I was doing okay balancing work and home with three kids, but four sounded impossible.
The three we had were fantastic. Were we tempting fate with a fourth?
I was going to be 40 in a year.
I was scared and nervous, but I was happy and over those two days the happy outgrew the nervousness, and Real Man and I were over the moon.
The pregnancy was scary.
I tested borderline positive for Down Syndrome, and we decided we didn’t care. This was our baby.
Late in my pregnancy, I was diagnosed with placenta accretia and there were conversations that included words like “make plans,” “save the child,” “get your will in order.”
Even while we were waiting for me to be wheeled into the ER, the doctor and the anesthesiologist were arguing over the best way to proceed and they explained to Real Man what would happen based on what they would find when they went in, and they said things like, “…at that time, we will escort you from the room and will make every effort we can to save your wife.”
But, then it was over and he was here and He. Is. Amazing.
And I’d do every single second of it all over again.
He is a character.
He is a ham.
He is a love.
He is, and always will be, my baby.
Happy Birthday, Tiny! The past two years with you have been absolutely unbelievable. The world is definitely a better place with you in it.