My Real Life

January 24, 2012

Truthful Tuesday

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amy @ 6:00 am

For my first “Truthful  Tuesday” post, I’m answering a question from Heather.

Heather writes:

Ok I’ve got one….to me, you seem like an amazingly confident mom…like it just fits you like a glove to be a mom….are there (or were there) any things or times in your parenting journey that were overwhelming or that “push your buttons” in terms of feeling confident as a mom?

I have about a dozen of said moments a day so I’m really curious if I’m losing it or semi normal. Lol.

Heather, I’m no different than any other Mom, and my kids are no different than any other kids.  I feel overwhelmed at least once a day.  I constantly worry that I’m doing or saying something that will mess up my kids.  Monkey in the Middle and I go head to head on a pretty consistent basis, because we are so similar.  I think I’m too critical of Monkey Girl.  I think that I probably baby Baby Monkey too much and let him get away with things the older two would never get away with.  So far, I don’t think I’ve screwed up Tiny, but there’s time.  My kids yell when they are mad because I yell when I am mad and they’ve learned it from me.

So, I’m not entirely confident in my mothering.  However, I am 100% confident that my kids know that I love them beyond all reasoning.  When they walk into a room, whether it’s been hours or minutes since I saw them last, I give them big smiles and hugs and kisses, because I honestly feel that that is what kids really need to feel good about themselves.  The feeling that their mere presence is enough to brighten the world for someone.  And, at the end of the day, when everyone is getting tucked in, if I’ve done something during the day that I’m feeling badly about, I apologize and let them know I’ll try harder tomorrow.  Every day is a new start for all of us.  They know I’m not perfect, and I certainly don’t pretend to be.

Being a Mom is hard, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t struggle with it.  People always say it’s the hardest job in the world, and they are absolutely correct.  Part of that is because the stakes are so high.  Part of it is because the “client” is continually changing and so what worked one day may not work the next.  And a big part of it is that it is the only job in the world where we are continually being judged by others…and especially by ourselves.  The viciousness with which Moms judge other Moms continually astounds me.  What we should be doing is lifting each other up and saying “Oh, I understand…I get it…good job.”

At the end of the day, I think we’re all doing the best that we can, and unless we are hurting our kids, I don’t think anyone is doing it any better than anyone else.


  1. Thanks for sharing insights into your journey! I couldn’t agree more that moms are some of the most judgemental peeps on the block. I remember very little from my daughters first 8 months due to some pretty serious post partum anxiety I suffered but what I distinctly remember is plenty of people telling me I “should do this” or I “should do that” from the minute she was born to get her to sleep, eat, poop, etc when what none of them (including highly trained hospital staff) said was, “wow, you seem scared and overwhelmed, what can I do to help?”

    Just as you said Amy, I make LOTS of mistakes (btw i yell WAY too much too–short fuse) but at the end of the day I truly believe she knows I love her more than life and you are right that is what matters most.

    Thanks again for sharing your life. Oh and by the way, I understand….I get it…..good job!

    Xo h

    Comment by Heather — January 24, 2012 @ 8:06 am | Reply

    • Heather, I remember those early months. They were definitely scary, and I wasn’t dealing with post-partum issues. The times we need to be held the closest seem to be the times people are quicker with the judgements. So sorry you had to go through that and I’d like to think if I was there, I could have held you up and helped you through!

      Comment by abozza — January 24, 2012 @ 9:39 am | Reply

      • I’m sure you would have been there Amy! Don’t get me wrong I had family and some good friends who did but there were plenty who didn’t…remind me someday to tell you about the stay at home moms group I got “kicked out of” during this time. It’s a perfect example of what you are talking about!

        Comment by hspphotography — January 24, 2012 @ 12:37 pm

  2. “The visciousness that Moms judge other Moms”! If I may expand that and say “the visciousness that we judge others” (including ourselves), is astounding . From our politics to our personal lives it’s just astounding.

    However there is some good news, nobody holds a gun to our head to force our behavior. I truly believe we choose to do this – consciously or subconsciously. So if the behavior is a choice, it can be stopped. The question is do we want to? Do we really want to and how will we address the unfulfilled emotional need our visciousness feeds?

    A counselor of mine once told me, “You’re an incredibly kind person… Except when you’re not!”. It took a while for the comments to sink in, but those are words for all of us.

    Deep Peace

    Comment by Jeff — January 24, 2012 @ 9:25 am | Reply

    • Good advice, Jeff…no one does force us to behave the way we do. I think judgement becomes a habit, sometimes. We judge everything. I was actually contemplating a blog post about the parents who witheld their child’s gender, and then I thought that while I may not agree with it, who am I to judge? It’s not my family, not my child, and not my business. Thanks for the comments, Jeff!

      Comment by abozza — January 24, 2012 @ 9:50 am | Reply

  3. Isn’t it humbling when our children do something that irritates or frustrates us and then we realize that they learned it from us? Sigh… Great post 🙂

    Comment by Ashley O — January 24, 2012 @ 10:22 am | Reply

    • Ashley, There are many things that I delight in seeing them do because I realize that it’s a mirror of myself. And then there are times when I’m shocked by their behavior and completely ashamed to realize they got THAT from me, too! Thanks for commenting and stopping by!

      Comment by abozza — January 24, 2012 @ 11:17 am | Reply

  4. I think most of us as mothers question ourselves daily. The older my daughter gets the more questions I have! Especially when you have a teenager trying to persuade you that they can do what they want because “they are not a BABY anymore”. Oh the joy!!

    I try to remember to not be critical of other people because unless you have “walked a mile in their shoes…” you have no idea what is going on in their lives.

    None of us is perfect – as long as we try to do our best every day I think that’s all we can do.

    Comment by Donna — January 24, 2012 @ 10:40 am | Reply

    • I know that the teenage years are coming…I just can’t wrap my brains around it yet! I agree with “walking a mile in their shoes.” Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

      Comment by abozza — January 24, 2012 @ 11:16 am | Reply

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