So, we woke up on Saturday and it was a beautiful fall day.
Crisp, cool, breezy.
Fantastic.
We started with our continental breakfast.
To get to the breakfast room, you had to walk out the front door of the inn, then down some stairs into the basement of the building.
It was kinda cool.
They had small tables set up and cereal, muffins, bagels, toast, cinnamon rolls, etc.
Coffee, tea, cranberry and orange juice.
It was really quite nice.
Limited selection, but who’s complaining?
The room was cozy and sweet.
We decided to hit the museums.
So, we started with the Witch History Museum, moved to the Pirate Museum, and finished with the Witch Dungeon Museum.
Cheesy.
But, when in Salem, you have to embrace the cheese.
It’s kind of a rule.
So, we went with it and it was fun.
We took the obligatory tourist stockade pictures outside of the Witch Dungeon Museum.
I have to say, out of the three museums, it was the Witch Dungeon Museum that got me the most.
I know this history of the witch trials inside and out.
Names, dates, places.
Mass hysteria in a society always fascinates me.
However, actually, walking through a recreation of the dungeons where they held those being accused was pretty creepy.
Particularly the coffin cells, where you had about an inch on either side of your body and you were chained to the wall so you couldn’t sit or lie. Just stand. For as long as you were incarcerated, which for some was months.
Also, when they explained where the shore line was at the time, and when there were storms, the dungeon filled with water and the prisoners (all of whom were innocent) found themselves knee deep in water that was full of human waste and rats.
Talk about inhuman conditions.
Anyway, from there, we went back into a bunch of stores and walked around.
We bought the kids some gifts.
Monkey Girl got a “Charmed in Salem” sweatshirt, because she loves the tv show, “Charmed” (which she really isn’t allowed to watch, but she’s seen a few episodes and is hooked).
We found a cool comic book store and bought Monkey in the Middle a Han Solo action figure and Baby Monkey a Luke Skywalker action figure.
Then, we got a Where’s Waldo book for them all to share.
The monkeys absolutely love “I Spy” and “Where’s Waldo?” books.
The gifts were all hits.
Which reminds me…
We called home several times on our trip.
We were having fun, but we missed the monkeys.
We can’t help ourselves.
Every time we called home, when Monkey in the Middle would get on the phone, he would ask, “Where are you?”
He didn’t want to know what state we were in, what store we were in, even what room we were in.
He needed to know our exact location in whatever room we were in.
“I’m on the bed, with my legs hanging over the side.”
“I’m sitting on a bench to the right of Daddy”
“I’m standing in the middle of a cemetery.”
He’s a little quirky.
Lunch and dinner were uneventful, but relaxing and fun.
We decided that we were going to sign up for the Haunted Footsteps tour of Salem at 8:00, but by the time we got to buy the tickets, they were sold out.
So, we went for the Ghost Tour of Salem at 8:30.
I can’t tell you how much I was looking forward for this tour.
The guides are dressed in period clothes and are all a little “off.”
I was ready to be scared to bits.
I love to be scared.
I couldn’t wait.
I think the actual tour would have been scarier if Baby Monkey was our tour guide.
Because our tour guide?
She was the worst.
She started every sentence with “Alright…” and then would pause for 30 seconds before continuing her sentence.
The scariest part of her spiel was that she thought she was going to get tips at the end.
She would have us standing outside of a church and she would say, “Where you are standing now is hallowed ground. It was on this hallowed ground that one of the scariest things in Salem happened. And, I’ll tell you about it when we get to the other side of the church.”
We got to the other side of the church and, apparently, she forgot the story because she moved on to something else.
This tour had the potential to be terrifying.
We visited a house where a child’s parents had locked her in the attic while she was dying of Scarlet Fever so they wouldn’t have to have the whole family quarantined.
She eventually died, and a hundred years later, a man and his young wife bought the house.
One night, the man brought his wife out to an orchard and hung her and then burned her alive.
We assumed that he was possessed by the little girl or something. The tour guide never actually made a connection.
Apparently, people still see lights go on and off on the third floor, and a flame in the window, despite the fact there is no floor, so no one can actually be on the third floor.
Potential for a scary story.
She told it like a Disney story.
The good news is, Real Man and I had an absolute blast on this tour.
We just giggled and giggled our way through Salem’s scariest places.
At one point, we were right outside the cemetery where Giles Cory was pressed to death.
She said, “This is where he was pressed, and that is where his wife was hung.”
Real Man turned to me and whispered, “What were they, dirty laundry at the dry cleaners?”
Get it?
Pressed and hung?
It was VERY funny.
As other tour groups passed us, the people in our group would longingly look after them and say to the other tourists, “Can we join your group?”
Real Man and I made the mistake of catching eyes with a mother and her daughter, who were also enjoying themselves in the way we were, and from then on, it was very hard to contain the laughter. So, we started hanging in the back, because we didn’t want to be rude.
But see, that’s the good thing about Real Man and I.
We can be anywhere, in a crowd of any size, and it’s always like it’s just the two of us.
Even after all these years, we prefer each others company to anyone else.
Works for us.
So, the tour ended, and we walked back to the Inn.
Again, I must mention that you have to embrace the cheese in Salem.
Because by 10 pm, when the tour was over, Salem was full of people in full supernatural regalia.
There were a gajillion people dressed as witches, many wizards, a few zombies, a mummy, and many people in masks.
I think it’s a place where people who don’t feel like they fit in the “real world” can come and just chill out because everyone is different in Salem.
I think that’s a good thing.
The next morning, we woke up, went to breakfast, and headed home.
More inappropriate songs on the iPod, and a few that were just fun to listen to.
Like “Patience” by Guns-n-Roses, which we danced to, together, at the junior prom.
We gawked at the millions of drivers who blew by us while texting or talking on their phones.
One man was even doing paperwork on his steering wheel as he passed us going 85 mph.
Ridiculous.
And then we were home, and while we had a perfect weekend together, it is always wonderful to come home to the monkeys.
I don’t know when we’ll ever get away alone again, but this trip was everything we hoped it would be, and we’re glad to be home.
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