I’m gonna be honest.
2019 sucked.
Not kinda sucked. Not sorta sucked.
It just, plain old, flat out sucked.
In May, Real Man’s company restructured and eliminated his position.
Six months later, severance just expired and the interviews he’s had so far haven’t panned out.
In summer 2019, I had a kidney stone get stuck, surgery to remove it, and then had a stent inserted while I healed.
In August, Monkey Girl left for college.
Yes, a very, very positive and wonderful thing, but a very, very sad one, as well.
In October, Real Man had to have surgery on his right ear in an effort to remedy Meniere’s Disease, which was causing him extreme vertigo several times a day, rendering him almost completely unable to leave the house or drive anywhere on his own.
The surgery helped the vertigo (mostly), but left him with no hearing in his right ear.
And the day after winter break began, Tiny and I hit the Fast ER which misdiagnosed us both and five days later we wound up at our real doctor finding out that I had bronchitis and he had…the flu.
The two of us spent almost all of the week and a half off on the couch and in bed, and in the end, still weren’t truly 100% when it was time to return to school.
Happy Winter Break!
2019 sucked.
But, I have to admit, there were some bright spots in 2019.
While Real Man being out of work is really pretty terrible, we’ve been able to spend so much time with him.
Because I’m a teacher, I’m home in the summers with the kids and I get to have adventures with them and relax and be in that summer mode.
This summer, however, Real Man was able to be with us and enjoy that slowed-down time.
He’s been able to do pick-up and drop-off at school, help with homework, take kids to doctor appointments, and just spend some real, quality time with all of us.
The timing of his need for surgery for the Meniere’s was so perfect, because he would have had to have been out of work with the vertigo anyway, and then the surgery and recovery would have kept him out of work. Time off from work wasn’t anything we needed to worry about. He was able to focus completely on his health and recovery, which was a huge silver lining.
Monkey Girl’s absence has left a huge hole in the family, but she absolutely loves college.
She has made some wonderful friends, she’s enjoying her classes, and has found her “place.”
In 2019, partially as a healthy escape from all the crap we were pushing through, I read.
A lot.
I challenged myself, in January, to participate in Goodreads 2019 Reading Challenge.
I decided to try to read 52 books for the year…one a week.
I knew I wouldn’t actually read one a week, but I also knew I’d make up for it in the summer when I was reading one a day on some days.
And I did.
In 2019, I read 69 books and I loved them all.
Okay, almost all of them, but no time reading is ever wasted.
Tiny had a rough year in 2nd grade, but in the fall of 2019, he started 3rd grade and he’s never been so happy in school.
He comes home with stories of friendships and sharing and kindness and tolerance and acceptance and it brings me to tears with gratitude.
And we’ve been shown such kindness this year.
People have been coming out of the woodwork with advice, connections, generosity, and kindness.
Such unbelievable kindness.
So, yeah, 2019 sucked. So many pieces of our lives fell apart, but at the same time, so many other pieces of our lives started to fit together.
And today, I’m 48.
I’m moving ever closer to the big one, but I feel like I’m in a good place to move forward.
I’ve got goals for being 48, and some are trite and expected and others are conceptual and theoretical, but they are my goals and I feel good about them.
Because, at 48, I’ve earned the right to be trite and expected at times, and I’ve earned the right to dream big, and I’ve earned the right to not be judged for either.
I won’t say that 48 and 2020 can’t be worse than 47 and 2019, because, let’s be honest, things can always be worse.
But I’m going to take the lessons we learned in 2019 and bring them with me into this new year and keep my focus on the positive.
Because if I can stay positive, no matter what life tosses at us, I’ve already halfway won the battle.
So, here’s to 48 and here’s to having the strength to push through and the grace to push through with a smile and a grateful heart.
