I had no idea.
I mean, sure, I knew I’d love my baby.
I knew life would change.
Yet, even when I was pregnant, I had no idea.
You can’t know.
You can’t possibly know how much you will love this small person until you are actually holding them in your hands.
Nine years ago, last night, I was sitting on the couch in the first home that Real Man and I owned.
He worked the 11:30-8:00 shift every day, and although I had already eaten, I was hungry again.
I called Real Man at work and asked him to stop at McDonald’s on the way home to pick up a cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate milkshake.
Then, I put up my feet and started watching the Thursday night NBC shows.
I was tired.
I was big.
I was due in two days, and the baby I was carrying seemed to have no intention of going anywhere.
I was also feeling a little nervous, as at my doctor appointment that afternoon, they told me that the baby was probably around eight pounds.
Sounded huge.
Real Man came home with my food, and we ate and talked and watched tv.
After ER, we headed up to bed.
Not long after climbing into bed, I started feeling…weird.
Then, the weirdness turned into pain and I realized, ‘this is it.’
We called the doctor and they told us to keep timing the contractions and head on in when they got close.
Pretty quickly, they started getting close and in we went.
I’m not going to go into the whole labor and delivery story.
It’s quite a story full of scary things and ending in an emergency c-section that was performed after my epidural had worn off. Yes, that’s right. A c-section with, essentially, no pain medication.
Yet, in the very end, there was Monkey Girl.
All 9 pounds, 15 ounces of her.
We didn’t get “It’s a girl!”
We got, “Oh my god, she’s huge!”
And all we could think was, “Oh my god, she’s perfect!”
There will always be a special bond between my girl and I.
Together, she and I waded through the murky waters of how to parent.
Breastfeeding didn’t come easily to me, but I was committed, and together, she and I figured it out.
Everyone had advice and everyone told me we were doing it wrong.
Finally, Real Man said, “Forget what everyone else is telling you and do what feels right.”
And so, we did.
She was patient with Real Man and I as we learned to care for her belly button and change her diapers and give her sponge baths and feed her in the night.
It was such a learning experience for us.
She had us wrapped around her little finger from the start.
We’d hold her and rock her and she’d start to fall asleep and as soon as our minds would even lean toward putting her into her crib, her eyes would pop open and she’d cry saying, “No way, Jose!”
One night, Real Man was putting her to sleep and suddenly, through the monitor, I was sure I heard snoring.
I crept into her room, and there was Real Man; one arm in the crib on her little back, kneeling on one knee, head hanging, fast asleep.
Every day brought something new and it was all magical and new and wonderful.
I’ve never understood people who complain about a new baby.
“Ooh, I’m so tired. The baby was up all night.”
Uh, yeah…it’s a baby! How wonderful for you that you get to be with that baby in the middle of the night!
“Ugh, he/she cries all the time.”
Uh, yeah…he/she doesn’t have words yet to tell you what they need. How frustrating for that little person! Nurture them and get over yourself, because, quite frankly, it ain’t about you.
But, back to my Monkey Girl.
I’m going to show you some pictures now.
Be strong.
These may be some of the cutest pictures you’ve ever seen.
The mini-me resemblance started early.
Me:
She:
Every single day of the past nine years have been amazing.
There is always something new, and as my oldest, together, we continue to learn.
She’s taught me just as much as I’ve taught her.
She is kind. So kind.
Her heart is so big and she is the most loving girl I know.
She looks out for the well-being of everyone around her and works hard to make sure that no one is hurt or upset.
She is brilliant.
The way her mind works amazes us on a daily basis, and it all comes from her. We don’t push. She wants to learn and to know and to be challenged.
She is funny.
She knows how to laugh and loves to make others laugh.
She’s talented in so many areas.
She knows herself and doesn’t bend to peer pressure.
She is beautiful on the inside and out.
Although part of me wants to keep her little forever, the truth is that I can’t wait to see who she will become. I can’t wait to see what lives she touches and how people are better for having known her.
As I re-read this post, I realize how completely inadequate it is, because there are not enough words to describe how very much I love this girl and how much she is a part of me.
She is the best part of me and to say I love her doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel about her.
So, Happy Birthday to my big 9 year old.
