My Real Life

So…originally we weren’t going to start pushing the sales of the book until Monday, but several factors gave us a jump start (like Amazon promoting it themselves and our subsequent rise on the sales charts) and so we’ve decided to push ahead and start our major promotion today!  Since it’s been released, we’ve already hit the top 10 Amazon Hot New Releases!

That being said…

It’s time to buy my book!!!

Right now, the book is available at Amazon in both paperback and Kindle format.  It will soon be available through Barnes & Noble as well as iTunes.

So, thank you in advance, and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!!!

1. Does your family coordinate clothing for church on holidays like Easter?

No.

Never.

We barely coordinate our own outfits for ourselves on a daily basis, much less bother coordinating with each other.

2. How do you get out of a funk?

Dancing, baby.

Really loud music and just dancing and totally rocking out.

Works every single time.

3. Online friends – real friendships or not?

If you had asked me this five years ago, I think I might have said not real.

However, in that time, I believe I’ve found that the nature of human relationships has changed and that it is possible to create and sustain real friendships online.

I have friends who met their spouses online and before they met, they started friendships.

Some of them were friends for a year or two, online, before they finally met.

They are in some, what appear to be, very strong marriages.

I’ve built friendships with people I knew a bit,in person, but online have come to know much better and these friendships, as well, are very real and very special to me.

Of course, there are people who create faux personas (and I don’t mean people who steal identities) and put a face online that they would like people to think is real, when, in fact, they are far from their real selves, but these aren’t the people I’m talking about.

So, online friends…real friendships, indeed.

4. What is the one food you must eat in a restaurant (not make yourself)?

Um, considering my extremely limited cooking skills, I’d say just about anything on the menu.

If I had to pick one, I’d go with filet mignon.  There is nothing like a good filet.

And when I cook it, it is not a good filet.

I will also order chicken quesadillas wherever I go.

I make quesadillas, but not chicken quesadillas, so I’m a bit of a restaurant connoisseur of the chicken quesadilla.

5. What would happen in your home if you ran out of ketchup?

Nothing.

No one around here eats ketchup except Real Man, and even then, he only eats it on meatloaf or hamburgers.

I think the ketchup we currently have in the fridge has lasted almost two years.

Why?

What happens in other homes when they run out of ketchup?

I’m a little intrigued!

I have a confession to make.

It’s a startling confession and it may have some of you questioning if you even really know me.

Heck…it has me questioning if I even really know myself.

There are certain things I have always known to be true about myself, and I am shaken to the core to find that one of those things is no longer true.

It started out as a mistake.

An accident, really.

But then it took hold and I can’t seem to shake it.

I figure the best way to deal with a demon is to face it head on, so here it is…

I like country music.

There, I said it.

See, I have lived my whole live in New Jersey, 45 minutes outside of NYC.

I’m an 80’s Jersey Girl and I grew up on hair bands and heavy metal.

I have always said that I like every kind of music…except country.

Granted, my exposure to country music was limited to my high school youth group trips to Appalachia and drunken frat boys in college belting out “I Got Friends in Low Places,” but that was enough for me to decide that country wasn’t for me.

Until last week.

I was driving in the car and it was one of those awful radio times when every single station is at a commercial and all you want to do is sing something.

So, I set the radio to scan.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, wait!

I stopped at some lovely little tune about some woman whose mother was telling her to suck it up and put on some make-up and quit whining about the guy that she just lost.

I stayed and listened to the whole thing, because really, whose mother hasn’t been critical of them in their lives?

Sorry, Mom…but you know it’s true.

That song ended and another started.

Some duet where the couple has broken up and each of them is talking about how hard it is to make it look easy to go on without the other.

I’m a huge fan of forbidden/unrequited/lost love stories, so I listened to that one, too.

By this time, I had reached my destination, so I got out and went about my business.

But, when I got back in the car, the station started back up and I didn’t even bother to change.

Song after song after song…all country.

Each one telling a different story that sucked me in.

None of them were deep, earth-shattering revelations.

You couldn’t really dance to any of them.

I wouldn’t say any of them were in my top 100 favorites of all time.

But they hooked me.

And…and…

And I programmed the station into my radio and now…I’m a frequent listener.

I don’t believe this changes me.

It doesn’t make me a bad person.

My lifetime membership as a Jersey Girl will not be revoked.

It’s just time for a little redefinition of who I am.

I’m a girl who likes all kinds of music…even country.

One of the hats I wear is choral director of the spring musical.

My job is to teach all of the students each song in the play and rehearse it with them over and over and over again until they finally have it down.

Or, at least, I thought that’s what my job was.

We have an amazing photographer, Ted, who takes photos during our rehearsals and then shares them with us.

Based on these photos, I’m thinking that perhaps I do something quite different than what I thought I was doing.

For example, apparently I spent a good portion of the time imitating a big mouth bass.

I also seem to try to intimidate people with my “Oh really?  You think so?” stare.

When I’m not doing either of those two things, I’m busy

a) inspiring people by telling them they are doing a great job

b) giving the cast a review of the film “Sweet Home Alabama”

c) going back to my science teacher days and giving a lecture on the evolution of the opposable thumb

I am also consistently busy playing Candy Crush taking copious notes on the sets.

Or, when all else fails, I just spend my time being awesome.

I kid, of course.

It’s a freaking ton of work, but it’s worth every single second.

We did “Annie” this year and it was incredible.

The kids brought tears to my eyes and there wasn’t a person in the sold out audience who didn’t walk away feeling like they had gotten more than their money’s worth.

Nine more months and I’ll be right back in the fray again.

Until then…

…I’ll dream of “Hard-Knock Life” …for the fifty billionth time.

So, the other day, I wrote about the top 5 things I do that make my husband crazy.

I thought it would only be fair if I devoted equal time to my better qualities.

So, today, I offer you:

The 5 Top Things That Make Me a Catch

1.  I’m a cheap date.

I work full-time, teach piano after work, come home and parent four kids and take care of a house.

I’m happy just to get out for a few minutes.

So, I don’t need to be wined and dined.

In fact, I don’t really drink, so Real Man doesn’t even have to spend money on alcohol if we go out.

I’m not a stickler about what constitutes a meal when it comes to feeding myself (I’m a little stricter about what I like to feed the kids) so I’m happy with a shared large bucket of popcorn at the movies as my dinner.

Heck, I may or may not change out of my jeans/sweats if we go to a movie, so he doesn’t need to worry about gussying himself up, either, which means spending less on clothes.

We take the kids to the movies and earn points on our Stubs card, so by the time we get to a movie ourselves, we’ve usually earned enough points for the movie and the food to be free.

We’re already married, so he doesn’t have to worry about trying to get me back to his place afterwards, so no post-date schmoozing required.

For Real Man, dating me is easy.

—–

2.  I’m around children all day.

My history students, my piano students, my own monkeys.

This means I’m surrounded by pre-teen and small child banter all day long, and while I enjoy it immensely, by the time Real Man comes home, when he starts talking, I hang on every word of the adult talk.

Really, honey?  They’ve implemented a new system for the QR3 integration with the 507 forms, which gets implemented with the database?

Tell me more.

Because his stories usually don’t involve excuses about homework, boyfriend troubles, One Direction, farts, poop, or vomit.

I’m a great audience.

—–

3.  The way my teeth are situated in my mouth, I have a little bit of a spot where I place the curved end of a hanger as I hang, button, and adjust the collars of Real Man’s work shirts while doing laundry.

Does this make me a catch?

Don’t know…however, it was while standing in the laundry room with hanger in mouth that I thought to myself, (sarcastically) “I’m a real catch” and thus the idea for this post was born.

—–

4.  I make Valentine’s Day a breeze.

I don’t like flowers.

a) I’m allergic.

2) I don’t really need something else to take care of around here.

Because I’m diabetic, I can’t have candy, and even though I’m a bad diabetic and have been known to indulge with some candy or cookies sometimes, in general, I try to be good, and Real Man is very supportive of that.

I’m not big into jewelry and if I’m going to get anything, I’d rather pick it out myself, and it will take me thirty trips to the jewelry store to pick it out, so why bother.?

So, Valentine’s Day?

No pressure.

—–

5. I write a blog.

Not only do I write a blog, but I write a blog where I say pretty much anything and everything that comes into my head.

I have a feeling that some of Real Man’s partial hearing loss may be due to the years in our marriage before I wrote the blog and he was subjected to having to listen to me spout all of (she gestures broadly with her hands) this, verbally.

He reads the blog every day, so he still hears it all, but I think it’s in a much more digestable format.

Come to think of it, both of my parents have some hearing loss as well.

The only commonality between my parents and Real Man is me.

Coincidence?

Hmmm…

Since I spent yesterday on the couch with NatGeoWild channel and hosting a Girl Scout meeting and trying valiantly (and failing) to resist the four boxes of Tagalongs we purchased, I didn’t actually write a post for today.

So, I’m going to let some of my friends do the talking for me.

If, like me, you are the person who winds up being tech support for your parents or other less-tech-savvy family members, you must read The Dose of Reality’s post, Damn You, Amazon.com

If, again, like me, you’ve read one too many Berenstain Bear books, you’ll love Toulouse and Tonic’s take on one of the books in her post, The Berenstain Bears and Too Much T.V.: Bitch PLEASE

If you’ve ever felt like you were supremely unqualified for jury duty, then you definitely need to check out Insane in the Mombrain’s post, This is a blog about all the reasons I am not fit to report to jury duty

I’ll be back tomorrow…promise, but luckily, these lovely ladies can, more than adequately, fill in the gap!

If you look at the right hand side of my screen, you can see that the book is now available on Amazon.  I’m asking you to wait to purchase it (look at me, assuming you want to buy my book) because we are waiting until it is available on all formats before making the push.  Makes our stats much better.

However, if you decide you want to buy anything from Amazon at anytime, I would definitely appreciate it if you bought it through the link on my blog.  Even if it takes you to the book page, you can then search for other things and I get credit for my Amazon Affiliate account.  Every bit helps.

In the meantime, we’ve been sharing each other’s blogs on our blogs so that our readers can become familiar with some of the other authors that are contributors to the book.

However, I’m running around like a crazy loon these days and I feel like I’ve been remiss in sharing my fellow blogger/author friends sites.

Lucky for me, Teri Biebel, of Snarkfest, is awesome and made a post where she listed links to ALL of our sites!

I encourage you to click here to find her post and then click on the links and check out these fabulous ladies.

They all make me laugh on a regular basis, and in the past few weeks, I feel like I’ve made 35 new friends, some of whom feel like long-lost friends that I’ve known forever.

It’s gotten to the point that I make sure that I don’t have any liquid in my mouth before logging into our group Facebook page or it will be coming out of my nose.

So, please take some time to check out these blogs.  Your time will be well-spent and will bring a smile to your face.

I’m not perfect.

Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Real Man is incredibly patient with me.  The minister even made a point of it in our wedding vows…”He is incredibly PATIENT, Amy.”

Like I’m such a trial to have to live with.

Sheesh!

However, there are some things I do that drive him up the wall.

Now, I didn’t consult him for this list, so these are simply my assumptions.

I’m sure he’ll chime in if I get something wrong, but I think, if anything, he may have some to add to the list.

‘Cuz I’m a trip.

—–

So, here are the Top 5 Things That I Do that Drive Real Man Crazy:

1.  Leave the drain catcher thingy out of the drain.

In our old house, where we lived for almost 7 years, we had a garbage disposal.

I realize we haven’t lived there in a year and a half, but I got very, very used to that garbage disposal.

So, every now and then, I forget to put the drain catcher thingy in the drain when I’m cleaning dishes in the sink.

Okay, maybe not every now and then.

Maybe a lot.

Maybe 9 times out of 10.

So, there’s always gunk jamming up the drain, which I never notice until the last minute because the sink is also always full of dishes.

(Emptying the dishwasher is Monkey Girl’s job…she’s not always on top of it.)

So, when Real Man walks to the sink, he says “Who didn’t put the drain in the sink???”

And it’s always me.

—–

2.  Leave the laundry in the dryer.

Sunday mornings usually go like this:

Real Man: I’m going to start the laundry.

Me: Oh, honey, don’t worry, I got it.

Sunday nights around 9 pm usually go like this.

Real Man:  Sweetie, where are the clean clothes?

Me:  Oh…um…still in the dryer.

Real Man:  Are they still drying?

Me:  Uh…no.

Real Man:  How long have they been sitting in the dryer?

Me:  Since 10 am.

Real Man:  Okay, see you in the morning.

And then he winds up staying up until midnight rewashing and drying the clothes.

I have good intentions.

I just get distracted.

—–

3.  Make baked mac and cheese for dinner.

Don’t get me wrong.

As I’ve explained several times, Real Man is fantastic about eating what I make and smiling his way through it and encouraging the monkeys to do the same.

That does not, however, mean that he likes it.

Particularly when I make baked macaroni and cheese.

I don’t really know anyone who doesn’t like macaroni and cheese, except Real Man.

However, the monkeys like it and it’s one meal that I make that doesn’t get any complaints from the kids.

So, he smiles and eats it.

But he doesn’t like it.

—–

4.  Play on the iPad while I’m watching television.

I’ve discussed this before, as well, but it’s worth repeating.

By the time we settle in to watch something on the telly at night, I’m pretty zonked.

So, if I want to stay awake through the show, I need to be doing something else.

Multitasking keeps me awake.

So, while we watch tv, I play Words With Friends, Candy Crush, hop on Facebook or Twitter, work on the blog, etc.

Real Man is sure this means I’m not paying attention, however, when asked, I can tell him every single thing that was said on the screen in the past five minutes, and analyze it’s importance to the show.

It drives him bananas.

—–

5.  Get upset when he doesn’t respond immediately when I text.

I’m an instant gratification kinda girl.

Yes, I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s before the days of the cell phone, On Demand television, and the internet, but I’ve become accustomed to it all very quickly.

And I. Want. It. Now.

So, when I text Real Man, it drives me bonkers when he doesn’t respond immediately.

I realize he may very possibly be in the middle of a meeting with his boss or speaking with a client or running a meeting or managing his team.

However, I just sent a text and I want a response yesterday.

Aside from the instant gratification, he’s also a very amusing texter, so sometimes I just need a little pick me up.

Example:

January 25, 2013 3:54 pm

Me:  Can you pick up a pizza on the way home?  I didn’t have time to get the pizza stuff and it was a long, weird day and I still have school work to do.

January 25, 2013 4:35 pm

Me:  Honey?

Real Man:  I’m confused…I thought you wanted pizza?

Me: Smarty pants.

Real Man:  What is it…pizza?  Honey?  Or pants?

Me:  Pizza pants?

Real Man:  What would you like on your pizza pants?

Me:  Half plain, half corduroy.  

OR

Me:  His phone is his alarm clock and it died overnight, so he’s running really late.

Real Man: Wow.

Me:  No shit.

Real Man:  Oh…he was constipated too?  Bad morning.

Cuz, that’s kinda the way we work.

So, I like hearing back from him, because you never know what you’re gonna get.

Which means, some texts go like this.

2:38 pm

Me:  Hi sweetie.  I’ll bring Monkey in the Middle to the rink at 5.  Okay?

2:39 pm

Me:  Okay?

2:40 pm

Me:  Honey?

2:41 pm

Me:  Hello?

2:42 pm

Me:  You know, there is no purpose in having a cell with a texting plan if you aren’t going to use it.

2:43 pm

Me:  Hello?

2:44 pm

Me:  Seriously?

3:00 pm

Real Man:  I’m sorry…did you need something?  I was in a meeting.

Because like the minister said, he’s extremely patient with me.

Today I’m taking a break from the funny, the kids, my life to ask you to think about helping to save the life of another.

I used to babysit for a sweet girl named Kerry O’Connor.

She and her family lived across the street from me when I was growing up and I would occasionally babysit for Kerry and her two older brothers.

Sweet girl, fun girl, nice girl, smart girl.

In her mother’s words:

After 27 years as an insulin dependent diabetic, she is suffering from one of the most life-threatening complications of the disease, hypoglycemic unawareness.  In non-medical terms, this means that the disease has progressed to the point that her body does not register the fact that her blood sugar levels are dropping.  While she has experienced other complications as well, most notably loss of vision in her left eye and severe gastroparesis (nerve damage to her digestive tract), the hypoglycemia has forced her to give up many of the things in her life that she loves.  She can no longer work as a nurse or even be left alone.  At times, just ordinary tasks, such as folding laundry, can cause her blood sugars to plummet.

Kerry needs a pancreas transplant.

Kerry has been listed as an active pancreas transplant candidate at the university of Minnesota Medical Center, one of the few places that performs “pancreas only” transplants.  In addition, it is well equipped to handle the range of Kerry’s medical complications that add to the difficulty of this surgery.  The down side to this choice is the distance and length of stay that will be required in both the pre- and post-transplant phases.  This is where your support though the raffle comes in.  While Kerry and her husband, Bill, have good medical coverage, it does not cover all of the expenses for Kerry’s immunosuppressant medications, transportation or lodging that she will need during the first post-transplant year.

So, those who love Kerry have begun to do some fundraising to help Kerry meet all of the costs that she will face during this critical time.

If you feel as though you might be able to give a small amount, please visit this website that was created by Kerry’s mother, a retired high school teacher from my alma mater.  Donations are given to HelpHOPELive, a non-profit organization that assists the transplant community.  All information can be found at the site.

As a diabetic and someone with a history with Kerry and her family, this cause is so dear to my heart.

If you can help, thank you.  Even if you can’t, send some good, strong, positive, healing thoughts Kerry’s way.

It is all appreciated.

Remember this post?

Here’s that door today:

Still there.