My Real Life

Every family has one.

You may say that you don’t, but I bet you do.

That one item.

The item that you have way more than you need because either:

1. You keep losing them and purchasing more
2. It’s an item that you think you just can’t get enough of
3. You keep thinking they are broken and replacing them, but not throwing out the old ones because they just might un-break while you are sleeping

In our home, that item is a thermometer, and the reason is number three.

To illustrate…

One after the other, these thermometers have done their jobs, but then, suddenly, not so much.

I have changed batteries religiously, and yet, the numbers still seem way too low.

I’m aware that humans are no longer supposed to be 98.6. We’ve gotten cooler as we’ve evolved, and the prevailing theory is that we aren’t as active as we used to be, and that’s why our average is now in the 97’s.

And the 98.6 was a (not entirely) arbitrary number chosen as the average by a German doctor in the 1800’s and I think we all know that medicine in the 1800’s wasn’t exactly top notch.

But, our thermometers were registering us at 93, or sometimes even 92, and I knew that couldn’t be right, as I kissed a hot little forehead, and so I kept going out and buying new ones.

We even have (as you can see) the forehead strip thermometers. Something needs be to accurate, right?

So, over the years, I have accumulated the collection above. And when someone feels warm to me, I take their temperature not once, not twice, but usually no less than 3 times, with three different devices and none of them ever seem accurate to me.

And, full disclosure, friends…

I want to buy another one. I’m thinking maybe one of those forehead scanners would be more accurate.

Maybe I’m the one with the sickness.

A thermometer sickness.

But maybe, just maybe, none of those thermometers are broken and we are just a super cool family.

After all, when signing in to see my Dad at the hospital last night, my Mom’s temperature registered at 94.2.

And their thermometers HAVE to be right…

Right?