My Real Life

As the blog gets more followers, I’ve been going back and reading some of my older posts.

I find it fascinating, at times, to see where I was then with where I am today.

Yet, in many areas, it’s interesting to see that as much as things change, they also stay the same.

So, I thought it might be fun to do a Then and Now post for you, where I take an old post and update it with how I would have written it, were I writing it today.

To begin the process, I’m taking you back to September 2009, where I decided to answer 20 questions for you, the readers.

In 2009, I was a 37 year old mother of a 7 year old girl, a 4 year old boy, and a 2 year old boy.

Tiny wasn’t even a twinkle in my eye.

Scratch that…Tiny was the furthest thing from a twinkle in my eye because I was feeling overwhelmed with just three kids.

I was the Instructional Leader for Math and Science at my middle school, and was teaching piano lessons after school.

I had been blogging for a month, and not too many people had read anything I had ever written.

Today, I’m a 43 year old mother of a 13 year old girl, and 10, 8, and 3 year old boys.

Most days, Tiny is the one who actually puts the twinkle in my eye.

I’m the Supervisor in charge of Language Arts, Social Studies, and Technology in my middle school, and am still teaching piano after school and on the weekends.

I’ve been blogging for six years, have been published in an anthology, on the Huffington Post, was a semi-finalist in Amazon’s Breakthrough Novel of the Year contest, and write for my author’s group as often as we can meet.

It’s been a good six years.

So, click back to that old post and then let’s take a look at some of these questions and see what else has changed:

1.  Show us the inside of something cute.

I didn’t get this question in 2009 and I don’t get it today.

The inside of something cute?

So, ruin the cute thing by cutting it open?

Yeah, no, I don’t think so.

2.  What’s the last home cooking you had?

As I write this, the last home cooking I had was the taco dinner that I made for the family last night.

I make dinner pretty much every night, for the family, so this one hasn’t really changed too much.

3.  What do you miss?

What do I miss?

These girls:

So much.

It’s been too long, and I can’t wait to get together and just hang out with my girls, again.

4.  What makes you laugh often?

Tiny.

He’s ridiculous.

He’s trying out new words all the time and sometimes he uses them correctly, and sometimes he doesn’t.

He’s been enjoying the snow and it’s a blast to watch him slide down the hill and then carry his little board back up.

He gets to the top and yells, “Again!” and flops down and slides right back down again.

He sneezes and yells “Boogers!” and expects me to run after him with a tissue, and if you don’t get there fast enough, then he just uses his sleeve.

Or the sleeve of the person nearest to him.

Tiny is a 3 year old with more personality that you can imagine and he makes me laugh every single day.

5.  What’s your favorite word?

Kindness.

Kind is all I want my kids to be, and I find myself looking for kindness everywhere.

When I see my kids being kind to each other, I point it out, celebrate it, and reward it.

I try to model it, but know that, often, I fall short.

Kindness.

We all could use a little more of it in our lives.

6.  What are you trying to quit?

Biting the inside of my mouth.

Since I was a kid, it’s been what I do.

There are probably a million photos of me with my mouth contorted mid-face bite.

I always figured it was just a bad habit like nail biting, etc, but recently, I’ve noticed the stakes are a little higher on this one.

I’m getting some weird wrinkles around my mouth that seem to fit, exactly, the shape I make when I’m biting the inside of my mouth.  So, I gotta quit.

7.  What’s your favorite commercial, right now?

Ooh, those Matthew McConaughay Lincoln commercials!

No, no…I kid.

I’m actually really enjoying the Rob Lowe commercials for Direct TV.

These may be regional…I’m not sure, but I think they are creative and funny.

Not hilarious…more cheesy and “Oh, Rob Lowe, how far you’ve fallen,” but I look forward to seeing a new one when it comes out.

Check this one out.

8.  Whose style do you dig?

I still dig Jennifer Garner’s style, but these days, I am loving Kristen Bell.

And Dax Shepard.

There really isn’t anything I don’t like about these two.

I saw them interviewed on a show where they were discussing paparazzi laying off of the children of celebrities and thought they made their case so eloquently and clearly.

I loved their commercials over the holidays.

I believe I’ve shared my Veronica Mars love before, so I don’t need to go there.

I just like them as people, as a couple, as parents, as celebrities, and so I feel pretty confident in my answer that I dig their style.

9.  Link to a great blog you’ve discovered recently.

I haven’t discovered it recently, but one of my favorite blogs is Bad Parenting Moments, written by my friend and co-author, Bethany.

She is often funny, but more often, she is honest and frank, and she writes about things that others are too afraid to write about, and makes me say “Yes…exactly,” every time.

Please check her out.

I know you won’t regret it.

10.  What’s the last craft you made?

Ahahahahahahahahahaha!

That’s just hilarious.

Craft.

Me.

Monkey Boy is the crafty guy around here and spends most of his time making things out of construction paper and tape, but his Mama isn’t the crafty type.

11.  A photo of the last “happy” mail you received.

The last piece of happy mail that came to our house is a letter accepting Monkey Girl into the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) Academy at the high school.

It seems to be what she wants, so we are happy for her.

Right now, she wants to either be a veterinarian or an architect, and she feels this is the best way to get there.

Proud of her for going for it.

12.  Something you’ve got lately.

I didn’t really understand this question six years ago, and still don’t “get” it, today.

So, “this question” is not my answer.

13.  What are you looking forward to?

What am I looking forward to?

I’ll tell you what I’m looking forward to.

Morristown’s Got Talent.

Monkey Girl and I auditioned, back in December, and they whittled down the performers from 70 acts to 16, and we made the cut.

We are thrilled beyond belief, and completely nervous, and very, very excited.

We can’t wait for February 25!

14.  Post a recent snapshot of yourself.

Did you see the picture from 2009?

I had such long hair!

I still drove the minivan!

I loved that leather jacket!

Anyway…here I am, today, with Monkey Boy:

15.  Recent Favorite Movie?

Into the Woods

Hands down.

It was amazing.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll mention it again.

The audience applauded when it was over.

I’m a sucker for a musical, and this was absolutely no exception.

16.  Something you’re working on right now?

My author’s group met last week and I shared a short fiction piece I had written.

They gave me excellent feedback and I’m working on revising it so that I can figure out what I want to do with it.

Maybe I’ll share it with you!

17.  If a movie were made about you, who would play you?

It’s still Reese Witherspoon.

Six years later, and I continue to get stopped in stores and told that I look like her.

The older I get, the less I see it, but I’ll take it, because I think she’s a cutie.

18.  What gives you goosebumps?

Broadway.

Monkey Girl and I saw “Mamma Mia” last night and it was amazing.

I’d seen it before, but it doesn’t matter how many times I see a show on Broadway (Les Mis…6 times) it gives me goosebumps.

Call it a dream unrealized, call it being unbelievably impressed with the talent, call it the wow factor, but Broadway gives me goosebumps and I realized, last night, that I don’t get there nearly enough.

19.  Share a new obsession.

My latest obsession is getting Monkey Girl to watch old shows with me.

She didn’t go for Gilmore Girls, so I almost had to disown her.

However, she seems to be hooked on the original Beverly Hills, 90210, so, we’re good.

Although, she has been watching an inordinate amount of Saved By the Bell, so I am a little concerned about her taste.

But only a little.

Because, Zach Morris.

20.  What’s the meaning of your life?

To positively influence other’s lives.

I just want to make sure that I don’t leave a negative impact on the world and that I leave the world a better place than I found it; whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

If this was everyone’s goal…oh, what a world it could be.

One of my 15 Wishes for 2015 was to give up some of my television shows.

Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I love television.

I love the escape.

I don’t actually start watching tv until 9 or 9:30 at night, so most of the things that I watch I’ve recorded and am watching as I fall asleep or while I’m folding laundry, but we upgraded to the super duper platinum ultimate dvr contract so I could record up to six shows at a time, and that, in and of itself, is a pretty good indication of how much I’ve been watching.

There are a lot of things I want to do in 2015, and I really don’t think I’ll be able to do them if I keep up with this television thing.  At one point, my friend, Matt, counted 52 shows that I was currently watching.

That number actually felt pathetic to write.

So, it’s time to pare down and carve out some time for the other things in life I enjoy.

Here’s what’s going:

American Horror Story – I think my relationship with AHS has come to an end.  Season 1 hooked me.  No one loved Season 2 Asylum more than me.  Then Season 3, Coven, showed up.  Eh.  So, I gave Season 4 a good, old-fashioned try.  But, when I realized that I had seven episodes DVR’d and I was willing to watch the shows my kids had recorded, without the kids, instead of AHS, I knew it was time to say goodbye.

Revenge – Oh, Emily Thorne.  Pretty much everyone knows your secret now.  Your father is back from the dead.  Your gorgeous fiance is dead.   Your gorgeous ex-husband is dead.   You aren’t getting together with Jack any time soon.  I think you’ve taken this story as far as it can you.  You got your revenge.  And, I think we’re done.

The Vampire Diaries – Yeah, yeah…it’s not a show for 43 year old middle school administrators.  I get it, I get it.  But, I’ve loved it since it started.  I don’t love it anymore.  How many times can someone switch places with their doppelganger, anyway?  People die on the show, but they are still hanging around.  The story just goes on and on and on.  Enough.

Parenthood – Okay.  This is cheating.  The series is ending.  However, the truth remains that once they broadcast that final episode, I’m not watching the show anymore.  So, technically…I’m cutting it out.  Go me.

Covert Affairs – It’s a USA show and I really enjoyed it, and then they finally put Annie and Augie together and I LOVED it.  And then they broke up and she went dark and it all just got weird.  Covert Affairs…I gotta quit you.

Grimm – I tried to love this show.  I never watched a full season, but I watched a lot of episodes of each season.  I tried, but I never loved it.  I’m not even sure why I kept watching it.  I mean, I know why I kept watching it…I love that kind of stuff, but this just didn’t deliver for me.  Besides, I’ve got enough supernatural stuff in my television arsenal.  This one can go and I won’t miss it at all.

Gotham – I know of one person who is probably disowning me at this very moment (if he actually reads the blog) but I just can’t do it.  I loved the first episode.  I liked the second.  I tolerated the third.  And that’s where I stopped and I haven’t felt like “Ooh…I need to catch up on Gotham” for even one second.  The premise is great.  How did all the villains in Gotham get to be villains, and how did little Bruce Wayne get to be big, tough, Batman Bruce Wayne?  It’s just too much Oswald Cobblepot, who was always the creepiest Batman villain, as the Penguin.  Danny DeVito did such a good job with that role in the movie that I am seriously creeped out by just the thought of the character.  And Donal Logue is just a big jerk.  I like him much better in Vikings, which is a show on the History channel that I am NOT going to let go.

Castle – It actually pains me to write this.  I love Castle.  I really do.  And I don’t feel like the show jumped the shark when Castle and Beckett got together.  I think they handled it beautifully.  I love the characters.  I love the writing.  I love the mysteries.  There really isn’t anything about the show that I don’t like.  But, I don’t watch anymore, and although I have a ton of episodes recorded, I don’t feel the need to watch them.  I’m sure when the kids are out of the house and I’m in my late 50’s, they’ll still be showing it in syndication somewhere, and I’ll just watch it then.

So, that’s what I’m walking away from.

However, there are some shows that I’ll never leave until they get cancelled (which they probably will, because most shows I like get cancelled) or come to a natural conclusion.

What are they?

Here’s a few:

Reign – Another CW show that is probably not for my demographic, but it has totally sucked me in.  Give me kings and queens, and you’ll have me at “your majesty.”  Make them attractive with love triangles, Nostradamus, and some mysteries and I’m a goner.

Outlander – I don’t even feel a little bad about this one because it has a short season, I read the book (three times) before watching the show, and it’s Scotland.  Scotland, people.  Time travel?  I’m in.  And, oh, there’s this:

Oh, Jamie Fraser.  Ní fheicfidh mé a stopadh breathnú ar do seó , which, if Google Translate is accurate means, “I’ll never quit watching your show.”

Game of Thrones – It’s on for, like, three months a year.  I refuse to feel guilty about this one.

Sherlock – Speaking of short series, Sherlock has 3 episodes a season, and it has a season every two years, or so.  Benedict Cumberbatch is so, so good. Martin Freeman is amazing.  I love to watch Sherlock think, and it’s highly entertaining.  Plus, it’s a BBC show, and lord knows I love those Brits.

New Girl – Is it the best show on television?  Not even close.  But it makes me laugh, and it’s utter and complete nonsense.  I feel like so much of my life is serious, serious, serious…sometimes it’s nice to just indulge in some idiocy.  And I like the characters.  Independently, they would probably annoy the heck outta me, but together, they work.  And they care about each other, in their own twisted way.

The Bachelor/The Bachelorette – I don’t want to hear it.  I love this show.  I also love how Real Man “doesn’t watch” with me.  Talk about mindless entertainment; this is it.  I’m surprised I love it because I get so upset because they never pick who I want them to pick.  There were a few seasons where I let my friend, Carolyn, tell me the ending, but I’m back to being surprised and letting the story unfold naturally.  Or, at least, as naturally as one person dating twenty other people at the same time and proposing to one of them in a matter of weeks can be.

There are some other shows in the lineup, but I’m feeling pretty serious about cutting back and spending more time doing the things that I keep saying I want to do.  I’ll never be one of those people who says, “I got rid of cable,” or, “I don’t have a tv,” because, to quote my Grandma, I gotta have my stories.

I love tv.

Not as much as I love the movies, of course, but that’s a post for another day.

When I woke up, this morning, school was delayed due to freezing temps and icy conditions.

Winter was slow in coming to Northern NJ.

My kids played outside for most of December, and I’m not sure I even made them wear a coat.

But now it’s January and winter is here.

Every day, Facebook is filled with people’s photos of their car thermometers, or the snow on their decks, and I gotta tell you, I love it.

The majority of my friends are biding their time until the sun comes out and the coats come off, and I’ll be honest…give me a few months and I’ll probably be eager for a day without gloves, as well.

However…

There is just something about the winter and the cold.

Whenever I’ve imagined the possibility of moving somewhere else, “south” never came to my mind.

I’d want to go somewhere were there were mountains and snow and perpetual fall and winter.

I enjoy seeing my breath outside, and being able to come in and warm up.

There is something about the briskness to the cold air that wakes me up, invigorates me, and makes me feel alive.

I dream of Maine or Vermont or Alaska.

While I want to visit Scotland and Ireland, the glaciers of Greenland call my name, as well.

In the summer, there’s only so much you can take off and still be appropriate.

In the winter, you can bundle up all you want, and there’s nothing like burrowing under the covers with a loved one and hiding away from the chill.

Evenings in front of the fireplace with a cup of hot tea and a good book, or a family board game while you let the fire warm you enough until you have to move slightly away.

I love the silence of snow and the crisp whiteness as it blankets the world.

Sunglasses in the winter to fight the snow glare are ultimately more satisfying to me than sunglasses in the summer.

If I’m being honest, I’ll say that I also look forward to the possibility of a snow day, in the winter.

There’s nothing like just being able to snuggle up with your babies a little longer in the morning and laying low with them all day.

The machinations of getting four kids in snowsuits are a pain, but there’s no joy like that in child’s face who is sledding down a hill, showing off their snowman, or shrieking as they run from snowballs.

So, bring it, winter.

I’m ready.

By the time this posts, our winter break will be over and we’ll all be back to work, school, daycare, etc.

I know as I walk the halls of school, the majority of conversations I’ll have will begin with the question, “How was your break?”

People will respond “Too short!”  “Great, how was yours?”  “Too much food!”

I’ll probably respond with one of those, as well, because as you pass in the hallway, surrounded by middle school students, it’s difficult to really convey the events of a winter break.

Five seconds, in passing, is too short to say “My 8 year old made his way through all of the Harry Potter movies, for the first time, and through the original 3 Star Wars films, so I consider that a win.”

Too short to say, “The kids and I saw Annie, which we loved, even though I wasn’t a fan of the new songs or the changes to the old ones, Night at the Museum, which made me cry, and Monkey Girl and I saw Into the Woods, which was fantastic, made the audience applause, like we were at Broadway.  We laughed, we cried, and we loved it.  Oh, and we saw the preview for Pitch Perfect 2 which made me way too excited for summer to get here.”

How do you wrap up “Christmas was wonderful with the entire family (25+ people) here for the day, New Year’s was so much fun, spending the night with close friends who make us laugh, and my birthday was relaxing and fun and the kids kept the fighting to a minimum,” in a head nod at a colleague.

When someone asks “How was your break?” I’m not sure they want to hear, “Too long for two of my monkeys who thrive on routine and busy-ness and need to get back to school/daycare, and too short for the other two who love downtime, and time spent with family.”

Is there time for, “Well, we lost power, and then the generator oil tank kinda lost it’s mind and shut down the generator twenty minutes before a houseful of guests was due to arrive on Christmas, and we had to, unexpectedly, also buy a new hot water heater before the New Year?”

It may sound to cheesy to say “I watched Real Man play in the high school alumni hockey game, and do a great job, and it made me feel like I was back in high school when he was my boyfriend and I was so proud of him out on that ice.”

So, I’ll probably just go with “Good, thanks…yours?” and leave it at that.

But, I’ll know in my head that there were ups and downs, and that when they say the same, that they, too, probably have a whole lotta story that they are also paring down to a few words.

 

1. Take the family to DisneyWorld. Not a need, and definitely a first world problem that we have never taken the kids there, but I’m making it number one on my list because it’s something I’d really like to experience with them.  Although, at this point, I should say “either Disney or Universal Studios” because with most of the kids being older, I think that would probably be the draw.
2. Participate in at least one random act of kindness per week.  I felt really good about this one, this year, and plan on doing it again, and hopefully, challenging my kids to do the same
3. Exercise at least twice a week.  Ideally, it would be five times a week.  However, as you’ll see later on the list, I need to be a little kinder to myself this year, and part of that is not setting myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations.  This doesn’t mean I’m not going to challenge myself.  However, I definitely need to learn to pick my battles, and this is one where I’m not going to beat myself up.
4. Watch less tv.  Hahahaha!!! Oh, that’s a good one.  Okay, but seriously folks…I dvr a lot of shows, and I think it’s time to cut back.  I used to read myself to sleep at night, but have fallen into the habit of falling asleep to the tv at night.  RealMan gets frustrated because I’ll put something on and fall asleep partway through, leaving him watching the rest.  It gets to the point where I’ll put something on, say “Ooh, I need to finish this,” and he’ll say, “Amy, I’ve seen this three times, already, while you’ve tried to ‘finish’ it.”  Truly, I don’t watch tv until after 8:30/9:00 at night, but  if I’m looking for more time to do some of the things on this list, maybe cutting back my shows is a good way to do it.
5. Make $1,000 by selling on eBay, consignment, etc.  I’m putting this one back on the list for 2015.  We definitely have things we can sell, and I’m always looking to purge things around here, so I want to give this the ole’ college try.  Again.
6. Blog at least once a month.  Last year, I said once a week.  Didn’t even come close.  This year, I am committed to posting a blog post at least once a month.  Anything else will be gravy, but I feel like once a month will help me ensure quality, and is a reasonable goal for someone with my work/home schedule.
7. Read 50 books (and keep track!)  I did 46 in 2014.  I’m shooting for 50 in 2015.  When I’ll get this done, I have no idea.  I used to read while on the treadmill, but then I fell away from the treadmill.  So, maybe I kill two goals with one stone this year.
8. Really go through my closet and be ruthless with getting rid of what I don’t wear.  Totally doing this one this year.  It sort of ties in to wish #5, but I want to write it down so that I’m holding myself accountable for it.
9. Play piano at least once a week. I miss it.  I just do.  I’ve had my piano since I was 7, and I do some of my best thinking when I’m sitting at the keys, lost in the music.
10. Write in my journal more often.   I’ve been thinking about this goal, a lot.  Everything I write, I write for someone else to read.  Even my journal, I think about the fact that my kids will wind up reading it when I am gone, so truly, EVERYTHING I write is for someone else’s consumption.  I post a lot on Facebook, whether on my personal page or my blog FB page.  I write in the blog (okay, okay…not often, but sometimes).  I write for my writer’s group, again, sparingly, but I do it.  It almost feels like, when I sit at the journal, what will I write?  I need to start thinking of my journal as just mine.  Just for me, and not worry about if the kids will read it when I’m gone and be upset about what they might read.  Because, the truth is, with as much as I write for everyone else, I still need an outlet for myself.
11. Get published, again.  By published, I don’t necessarily mean in book form, although, let’s be honest…that’d be incredible.  I would love to be published anywhere.  I’ve been on Huffington Post, I’d love to be on Scary Mommy or some other blog.  I’d take a fiction website.  And, of course, being in another anthology or publishing my own work would be amazing.  But, I do want to be published again, because, nothing makes us work harder, as writers, than knowing your work is being read by a large audience.
12. Re-edit my novel.  It needs work.  It does.  My plan had been to share bits of it with my writer’s group, but I really enjoyed writing new material for them, so I may ship it off to a different writer friend (any volunteers) to give me some good, hard, critical feedback.  Then, I’ll move from there.
13. Shred and pare down all of our files. Keeping this one for 2015, because it’s so necessary.  It’s one of those things, though, when I have a little spare time and look at this list, I think, “Do I want to sit on the couch and read or shred some files?”  I won’t insult you by telling you which one wins every time.
14. Entertain more.  I did this last year, and enjoyed it.  I plan to do even more of it, this year.  We’ve made a great circle of friends and we just enjoy spending time with them all.  Hoping to do much more of it in 2015.
15. Be kinder to myself.  I can’t fix it all.  I want to.  Desperately.  But I can’t.  I think I need to accept the AA motto of “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  There are definitely things within my control, and those that are outside my control.  I don’t have to hold myself responsible for everything.  And so, I start with making this a list of 15 things, this year, instead of 20.  Because 15 is a lot.