Teacher conferences for Baby and Monkey in the Middle were last week.
I went in pretty confident that I knew what the teachers were going to say.
Both boys are smart, do well, need to slow down, pay more attention to detail and write neater.
Monkey in the Middle (3rd grade) is all about structure and the rules, has a lot of friends and seems happy.
Baby Monkey (1st grade) doesn’t talk much, but enjoys his friends and seems happy.
I was dead on with both conferences.
However, at Baby’s conference, I was thrown a bit of a curve.
Nothing terrible. Nothing of extreme concern.
His teacher mentioned that they have a chart on the board where kids move their name magnets to show who is buying lunch and who brought their own lunch.
When the kids come in, in the morning, the first thing they do is move their magnet to the appropriate lunch space.
Apparently, if Baby Monkey doesn’t get there first, he rearranges the magnets so that his can be on top.
When they read books on the carpet, he makes sure he weasels his way in between everyone so that he can be front and center.
She said, “He never does anything wrong or breaks the rules, but you can tell that it is very, very important to Baby to be first.”
And, while it is age appropriate (what first grader doesn’t want to be first) the fact that he is rearranging magnets to be first and weaseling in-between people got me thinking.
He’s such a laid-back kid.
Seriously.
And he’s kind of had to be.
He has an older brother who has anxiety and requires a lot of our time and attention.
He has a younger brother who is a toddler and requires a lot of our time and attention.
He often gets his needs attended to second.
Or third.
Or fourth.
And he never complains.
It’s outside of his control, and so he goes with the flow and lets it go.
But, at school, by moving those magnets or smushing in-between his friends on the carpet, he can control being first, and so he does.
And as I thought about it on the way home, I started to cry.
This kid is such a good boy, and yes, there are great lessons to be learned in having to wait your turn and be patient and realize that you aren’t the center of the universe, but every now and then, we all deserve to be the center of the universe, and I want to be sure that he knows that he IS the center of our universe.
He’s not alone in the center of our universe, but he is there, and I don’t ever want him to feel like he’s hovering on the outskirts and we’ll get to him when we’re done with everyone else.
So, I gotta do better with my Baby Monkey.
Because he’s awesome.
And sweet.
And kind.
And loving.
And mine.
And just as important as anyone else in this house and I want to be damn sure that he knows that each and every single second of each and every single day of his life.
This is so hard. I struggle with these same feelings of guilt over “equal time and equal consideration” when in bigger families, the squeaky wheel does get tended to first and often. This is such a good reminder to me and, as always, you wrote it so beautifully.
Comment by BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) — April 30, 2013 @ 10:36 pm |
Thanks, Bethany…it is tough. 🙁
Comment by Amy — May 1, 2013 @ 8:33 am |
I’m here crying too. I love the passion you share at the end with how you promise to make him know how important he is. Beautiful!
Comment by nursemommylaughs — May 1, 2013 @ 6:20 pm |
I am definitely passionate about that little guy!
Comment by Amy — May 2, 2013 @ 7:57 am |
This really hit home for me. My husband and I have two boys and one girl. They are 9, 10, and 11. Our 11 year old is very quiet and laid back as well. He doesn’t voice his opinion often, and is one of the kindest people I know. I’m in nursing school, and the hubbs works 60 hours a week. The younger two are much more outgoing and rambunctious than the oldest. I feel like he gets lost in all of the hustle and bustle, and it’s killing me knowing that. I plan to have a mommy and big brother date every week over the summer. I love him so much, I just need to find better ways of expressing that love.
Comment by Karrie Ley — May 1, 2013 @ 9:46 pm |
It’s so, so hard.
Comment by Amy — May 2, 2013 @ 7:56 am |
I hope you are gentle with yourself about crying…my child is only 16 months old and I bristle whenever someone offers an observation about her. Hearing stuff about your kids is hard! It’s awesome too, how you are willing to look at yourself as a mama despite everything.
Comment by Another Piece of Cake — May 7, 2013 @ 1:24 pm |
Thank you…it is hard, but as a teacher and a parent, I know the info is passed along with love! 🙂
Comment by Amy — May 7, 2013 @ 1:28 pm |
Really nice post. I have three children and it is a struggle to make sure everyone is getting what they need. My oldest has Down syndrome, my middle guy is an emotional roller coaster and my youngest is a very independent girl. They are all wonderful and all a struggle at times. The behaviors of one may affect the attitude of the others and it is a delicate balancing act daily depending on who is in what kind of mood! I love the end of the post. I think we all want to make sure all our kids know how amazing they are!
Comment by naturallyeducated — May 7, 2013 @ 8:00 pm |
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this!
Comment by Amy — May 7, 2013 @ 8:37 pm |