I know, I know…
Everyone is all “Whoo-hoo! Spring is here!” and while I can share their sentiments to an extent, overall, I think Spring is a jerk.
A big, fat jerk.
But, a jerk like John Bender.
You know…John Bender.
Judd Nelson’s character in The Breakfast Club.
A world-class jerk.
But, you kinda liked him.
In fact, you kinda liked him a lot.
Yes, there are good things about Spring.
For example, the kids are outside and my house has at least a 47% more chance of staying clean since no one is inside messing it up.
This is a good thing.
Along with the clean house, however, is the fact that Spring is the time of year when I need to fulfill the clause in my contract as the mother of three boys that says I must display a level of athleticism which I do not actually possess.
A few days of good weather and we’ve already had tournaments in frisbee, basketball and driveway hockey. Give us a few more days and they’ll rediscover the kickball, football and baseball.
Which would be fantastic, because I love that my kids want to be active and play outside.
However, according to my boys, none of these games, apparently, can be played without me.
I think my boys missed the stories about my complete and utter lack of coordination or sports ability.
It’ll be a long, long few months before the pool opens and chlorine and their friends can take over the task of entertaining them in the great outdoors.
However, the outdoor play is way more exhausting than indoor play, so it also means that the monkeys crash hard at night and our nightly game of musical beds is (blessedly) on hiatus for a few months.
Also, it means we can start cooking on the grill and that’s always a plus because it gives me a break from slaving over the stove and having to actually come up with something everyone likes for dinner.
But, despite the good, nay, the wonderful, things that Spring brings, it’s a jerk.
At school, spring means standardized testing which is nonsensical, illogical, and wrong.
Spring means the students are looking to the end of the year and need to be reminded that we are still in it for the long haul and there is still much to be done.
Senioritis hits 8th graders just as much as it hits seniors.
I should be grateful that none of my children play baseball, because Spring means baseball, and I am not a fan.
Even though I don’t have to go to any Little League games, it still corrupts my television screen and reminds me of the millions of games I had to sit through when I was a kid, watching Channel 11 with my Dad.
Cuz when I was a kid, we had one tv and my parents decided what we watched.
The worst part is that Spring brings allergies to our house.
We’ve only had a few nice days, but already, I’m stuffed, my skin and eyes itch, and I’ve had to pull out my inhaler.
Monkey Girl has started the weepy eyes, and we are in the days of eczema itching for Baby.
Spring is here and it’s Allegra and Benadryl cocktails all around.
So, spring has some redeeming qualities, but the bad makes me a little happy that spring was so late to arrive this year and has me hoping that summer starts early, despite the fact I teach in an un-air conditioned classroom on the second floor and the last day of school for teachers isn’t until June 28th.
Achoo!
Eat my shorts, Spring.
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