My Real Life

So, there was a period of time, last year, when the monkeys and I saw just about every kids movie that was released.

In the previews for every one of those movies was a trailer for a film called “The OogieLoves.”

The kids were transfixed, not because they thought the movie looked even remotely watchable, but because they were sure that their cousin was in the preview.

She wasn’t, yet, somehow, the logic that we probably would have been notified if their cousin was starring in a film escaped their brains, and so they would wait, on the edge of their seats for that preview to come on the screen.

The result was that they knew every word of that trailer and could be found, at home only, humming the theme song.

On one thing, however, they all agreed.

It appeared to be the stupidest movie ever created.

My kids, who want to see every movie, never once asked to actually go see “The OogieLoves.”

They just enjoyed the preview.

Fast forward to this past weekend.

As is the norm, the monkeys and I were watching Dr. Who before we went to bed.

However, we were up to the episode, “Blink” which features these aliens that appeared to be statues of weeping angels, and I gotta tell you, it was a pretty freaky episode.

Needless to say, one of the monkeys (who shall remain nameless, because I promised not to identify which monkey it was) wound up in our bed for most of the night.

The next day, he or she kept asking “What if I can’t sleep again tonight?”

Real Man and I gave him or her a lot of different techniques for thinking of something else, but that child was really nervous about laying in a bed with visions of sleeping angels running through his or her head.

I had to run to the grocery store to pick up a few things, and while I was waiting in line, I noticed the Redbox kiosk.

Right smack in the middle of the display of movies was…”The OogieLoves.”

I snickered, thinking, “Seriously…who would ever actually rent that?”

But, as I waited while the elderly man in front of me paid his bill of $10.13 with pennies, I started to consider.

“Someone at home needs a distraction from those damn weeping angels.  The OogieLoves could be the ticket.”

“But someone might see me renting it.  My rep will be forever tainted.”

“Do you really want to be clutching to the edge of your bed for a second night in a row while Real Man and “the monkey” take up all the space?”

“The OogieLoves” won.

I paid for my goods, put my bags in the cart and made my way toward the kiosk.

I pulled my hood up over my head and snapped my coat up to my chin, hiding my face the best I could.

I quickly went through the motions, swiped my card, and out came the movie.

I tossed it in a grocery bag and home I went.

I’m pleased to say, it worked.  No more bad dreams about weeping angels.

That’s pretty much the only thing I’m pleased to say about this film.

I’m not going to write a review, because as I was writing this post, I actually googled “OogieLove reviews” and among the links stating “OogieLoves…worst film ever” I came across this review from the Washington Post.

Perfectly described…I urge you to read it.

As for me, I’m just going to share with you the names of the celebrities who made cameo appearances and let you draw your own conclusions from the list.

Toni Braxton

Cary Elwes

Jamie Pressley

Christopher Lloyd

Chloris Leachman

Chazz Palminteri

Discuss.

When the movie finished, Monkey Girl turned to me and said “Did that really just happen?”

Yes, my dear.  Yes, it did.