They’ve been huddled around my laptop for almost an hour, intently working on something.
What are they doing?
Mapping out routes to random places using Google Maps.
Me: “What are you doing, there?”
Baby Monkey: “Using Google Maps.”
Me: “Why? You going somewhere?”
Monkey in the Middle: “It’s important to know how to go places. And, if you zoom down to street level, you can pretend it’s a driving game.”
—–
2. Real Man is more than a little awesome.
We were not having a good day.
Any of us.
Everyone was grumping at everyone else and it was going downhill quickly.
So, while sitting at dinner, Real Man holds up a spoon and says, “This is the love spoon. We’re going to pass it around and when it’s your turn to hold the spoon, you have to say why you love someone at this table, and it has to be specific and more than ‘he’s nice,’ or ‘she’s funny.'”
And they did it.
And the day was saved.
More than a little awesome, that guy I married.
—–
3. I don’t know how Instagram works, but everyone seems to have an Instagram account.
I mean, I have an account, but I always figured it was just to take pictures and then add cool effects.
I’m not sure how to (or why to) follow people on Instagram.
Is this really something else I need to do?
I love social media…I really do.
I just don’t know if I can add something else to my list of things to read, watch or check.
Weigh in, friends.
Instagram…worth it?
—–
4. I am currently loving these commercials:
—–
5. Don’t forget to enter our contest to win a free copy of I Just Want to PeeAlone.
Not just any copy…a signed copy…signed by the four New Jersey authors.
I had the opportunity, recently, to have lunch with three of the other writers in “I Just Want to Pee Alone.”
We are the Jersey contingent to the book.
I’ll admit, I was feeling more than a little nervous.
These women are pros.
They pull in numbers of readers on a daily basis that I don’t even dream of matching in a year.
They have Facebook followers out the wazoo and their reach is far and wide.
I’m…
Well, I’m just me.
So, throughout this whole book experience, I’ve been feeling a bit…
…inadequate isn’t the word I want, but it’s the only one that’s coming to mind.
We met at a New Jersey diner and got to talking.
Okay, they got to talking and I just listened.
(Yes, I realize that those of you know who know me well are shocked to hear that I was quiet. It happened.)
These women were a wealth of knowledge and they were funny and real and normal.
I liked them and they seemed like people I’d like to know even if we hadn’t written a best-selling book together.
(You didn’t think I was going to not plug the book today, did you?)
So, I’ve expanded my world a bit and you get to benefit.
How, you ask?
Oh, because while we were lunching, we signed some books.
For you.
If you’d like to win a copy of “I Just Want to Pee Alone”, complete with the signatures of the four New Jersey contributors, simply leave me a comment below, telling me about a great thing that has happened to you in the past week.
I think we can all use a pick me up, these days, so positive comments get you an entry.
And…of course…you get an extra entry for sharing a link to this post on Facebook or Twitter.
Contest ends Tuesday night at 8 pm!
Once you’ve entered, please go check out the blogs of my amazing New Jersey co-authors. They rock.
We got home from the hospital on Wednesday and life returned to normal by Thursday morning.
Until Friday afternoon when I got a call at school from Baby Monkey’s school nurse stating that I had to get over to the school right away because he had suddenly broken out in a horrifying rash during lunch and she had already given him Benadryl, but was waiting on the Epi-Pen because they couldn’t confirm that he ate a nut or that anyone around him was eating nuts.
Off I went.
By the time I got there, the rash was red and angry and covered his ears, face, chest, and back. The nurse said that it already looked 100 times better than when they brought him in.
I can’t even imagine what it must have looked like before I got there, because he looked like someone threw a pot of scalding water in his face.
I said I’d take him across the street to the Fast ER and out the door we went.
Halfway across the parking lot, he made a little whiny sound and promptly threw up his entire lunch.
On my boots.
Long story short, it was an allergic reaction to something, but no one can figure out what and the poor kid is now on steroids.
Oh, and while we were at the Fast ER, we got a text from Tiny’s babysitter.
101.9 fever.
Two sick kids who suddenly couldn’t bear for me to even leave the room.
I cancelled my Friday night plans and declared it a family movie night.
We all snuggled up on the couch (at this point, we’ve all spread our germs to each other a million times over…what’s a few more germs passed through snuggling gonna hurt) and put in “Rise of the Guardians.”
We’ve been dying to see this movie.
Our original plan was to go when it was in the theater, but we never quite made it.
Then we had it planned for last weekend, but you all know how last weekend went.
So, Friday night it was.
Real Man popped some popcorn, we covered up with the blanket and started the movie.
The first ten minutes were just fantastic.
Excellent graphics, beautiful music, a story that hooked you right in.
We were all spellbound.
The last five minutes were really touching.
What a great way to wrap up a story…seriously.
Wait…what?
What about the rest of the movie, you ask?
I can’t really speak to the rest of the movie, because despite the fact it was 7:00 at night, ten minutes in, Real Man and I fell fast asleep.
Not ‘movie dozing,’ but absolutely, 100%, fast asleep.
Snoring, drooling, twitching, mumbling, asleep.
The kids assured us it was a great film and that we weren’t too distracting.
Don’t take our napping as a sign that it was anything less than a stellar movie.
1. What is one thing you wish you did not have to teach your children?
That not everyone is kind.
That people use words to hurt each other.
That someday, someone will deliberately hurt them because it makes that person feel better about him/herself.
2. What are you going to use since Google Reader is going away?
I’ve actively been ignoring this announcement, because I just don’t even have time to think about it.
I have no idea what my options even are.
I’m overwhelmed at the idea of having to re-enter all of the blogs that I follow into some new site.
This is really bumming me out.
3. British comedy; Hilarious or strange?
Both.
I think it’s so funny because it is so strange.
And strange may not be the word for it…it’s just very different from our American comedy, and that’s what makes it funny.
The Brits are also more free to laugh at things at which Americans cringe.
And let’s be honest…Brit humor is a bit more intelligent humor than American humor, and I’m a girl who loves a smart joke.
4. Do you prefer card games or board games?
Depends on the game.
I’d rather play Sorry! than Spit, but I’d rather play Rummy than Monopoly.
I’d rather play Clue than Go Fish, but I’d rather play Trash than Sorry!
See how that works? 5. Will winter ever end?
There was hope.
There was a glimmer of hope for a few days.
But it’s gone. So, I think, perhaps, winter will never end.
In fact, (Game of Throne fans), winter is coming.
—–
Don’t forget to buy the book, and if you’ve already bought it and loved it (because why wouldn’t you?) please tell a friend or leave a review at Amazon!
I’ll start by apologizing for not having any original content for a few days.
I’m usually ridiculously consistent with posting every day, and probably leave some of you thinking ‘Take a day off, Amy…this one is not your best stuff.”
However, the past few days have been more than a little unusual around our house.
It started on Friday when Tiny’s babysitter texted me at work to tell me that he had thrown up twice and had a fever of 101.6.
Nothing to panic about.
He’s 2, and two year-olds throw up and get fevers…it goes with the territory.
However, once I picked him up, he continued to throw up and added in diarrhea.
Fast forward to Sunday morning and we are at a point where he has been throwing up just plain water because he can’t even tolerate three small sips of it.
I was scared.
We called our doctor and I asked if we should take him to the hospital, because I was watching him become completely lethargic, (which screamed dehydration to me), he hadn’t smiled in two days, and when he cried, there were no tears.
She said yes, and so we called my mom to come babysit the other kids and we began to prep.
He’s the youngest of four, so this ain’t our first time at the ER rodeo.
We packed a bag with extra diapers, a change of clothes, and snacks and drinks for Real Man and I, and off we went.
The E.R. is always a trip.
It was fairly busy, as is the norm, and so while we waited, the people-watching began.
First to entertain us was the girl who appeared to be in her early twenties who walked in with pajama pants and skin tight t-shirt that said “Angel” in rhinestones across the back.
She walked up to the counter and said, “I was here about four days ago. It still burns when I pee. I need to see a doctor. BUT…I need to get out of here in about an hour and a half. I have somewhere else to be.”
The E.R. admitting nurse told her she couldn’t guarantee that she’d be out quickly and gestured at the full waiting room.
“Yeah,” the girl said. “Well, that’s not gonna work for me.”
Amazingly, they did fast track her so she was out of our hair.
Perhaps I need to learn the art of “this is my world and you are all just living in it.”
Of course, with my luck, I’d say something like “that’s not gonna work for me” and they’d say “Tough,” and put me at the end of the line.
The next piece of entertainment was a man who had been in one of the back rooms and was ready to be discharged, but he didn’t have a ride.
He asked if he could use the phone to call a cab.
In one of the triage rooms, he yells out “What’s the number for a cab company?”
“Just call 411,” the nurse calls back.
“Do I have to dial something to get out?”
“Dial ‘9’ to get out!”
“So, 9-973-411?”
“No, sir. Just 411.”
“No 9?”
“Yes, 9. Dial 9-411.”
“No 973?”
“No, sir.”
“What do I say when they answer?”
…and on it went until the nurse finally looked up local cab companies online and yelled out an actual number for him to dial and had to do the “dial 9” dance all over again.
There were signs everywhere about people with the flu or flu-like symptoms wearing facial masks, and when I looked around, all I could think of was news footage of Japan during the SARS outbreak, and started wondering exactly who would be Patient Zero.
Eventually it was our turn, moved us into the back and the poking and prodding began.
The results came back and I was very glad that we had brought him.
He was, obviously, dehydrated. His sugars were low. His bicarbonates, which are supposed to be 24, were down to 14.
They immediately hooked him up to an IV and started monitoring.
After a few hours, things were not improving, so they admitted him.
Dehydration due to the Rotavirus.
Dehydration is scary.
You’ve seen the pictures. You know how full of life Tiny is.
He was a lump. A lifeless, muscle-toneless lump.
No smiles. No tears. No nothing.
I spent much of my time, over the next four days, looking at this view.
He was in the “No Contact” room, which meant that every single person who came in had to suit up with a plastic gown and gloves, and he couldn’t leave the room for any reason.
No playroom visits for us.
One room. Tiny and Real Man and I (Real Man stayed with us during the day, but went home to be with the other monkeys every night.) No toys, until they finally brought in some toys that they were ready to throw away anyway, because once he played with them, they were going to throw them away because they couldn’t disinfect them enough to make them safe for other kids. Tiny tethered to the bed because of the IV which had a line that wasn’t quite long enough for him to walk around with, and he couldn’t really go anywhere anyway.
My. Poor. Baby.
We snuggled. I held him close for so many hours straight, I sweated straight through three outfits in two days.
At points, it was heartbreaking, like when he started crying and yelling “No” every time a new person came into the room because he was sure they were going to stick him with another needle.
And yet, I kept counting my lucky stars because as sick as he was, I knew he’d come out of it eventually.
There were two kids on the floor who were receiving chemotherapy.
There were others who had been there far longer than us.
Four days was a long time, but it wasn’t forever.
While I’m on the subject of gratitude, can we give it up for nurses?
Tireless, cheerful, gentle, amazing people.
And pediatric nurses?
Standing ovation.
Because it must be heartbreaking to be around sick children all day long and still keep a smile on your face.
It takes a special person.
So, it was one step forward, two steps back, but eventually, he improved enough to be allowed to go home.
Now that we are home, Tiny and I are still attached at the hip.
Tomorrow will be rough, (probably more for me than for him) however, we are both ready to get on with our lives.
Crisis averted, back to real life and back to My Real Life.
I’m hoping while I was gone you were able to find something to read.
Something like…oh, I don’t know…my book. 🙂
If you haven’t ordered yet, please do!
We are looking to crack the NYTimes Bestsellers List.
Traditionally, not a place for self-publishers, but if we can keep up our momentum, it’s doable.
Things are really blowing up here, at My Real Life.
Publicity for the book has earned me some new readers and subscribers, and I haven’t written anything new in days.
When the blog needs me the most, I’ve been absent.
Because Tiny needs me more.
I’ve been in the hospital with Tiny since Sunday and am hoping, wishing and praying that we can come home today.
He has the Rotavirus and as soon as they disconnect the IV, he’s not drinking enough to keep himself hydrated, so we keep having to stay.
I can tell you the entire line-up of the Disney channel, and am actually now eagerly awaiting the Wizards of Waverly Place movie that is coming out this weekend…and I am setting the DVR for the new episode of Sofia the First at 9:30 on Friday morning.
I have changed more diapers over the past four days than in 12 years of parenting (I’m only slightly exaggerating here), and can tell you that the scrambled eggs are great, but to stay away from the mashed potatoes.
I’ll have a whole, long post for you once we get our feet back under us, but for now, I’m co-sleeping in a narrow hospital bed, soothing, kissing and loving the heck out of a very miserable little boy.
In the meantime, please visit my friend and co-author, Jessica’s blog, Four Plus an Angel, for her latest post, “There Is No ‘I’ in Team.”
It is a poignant look at the how she recovered from the grief after losing a child and how she freed herself to, once again, have “normal” reactions to parenting situations.
It’s a beautifully written post, and I encourage you to check it out.
I’m elbow deep in disgusting diapers, toddler vomit, fevers and baths.
Let me give you an example.
Tiny has a stomach bug.
I changed his clothes four times yesterday.
At one point, I got him into the bathroom (too late, so there was a trail of vomit that followed us there) and when he was done, I stripped his clothes off. I told him to stay put while I grabbed the paper towels. Why I thought he’d listen, I don’t know, but the next thing I know, I hear a ka-thump and a big cry.
You guessed it. He slipped and fell in his own vomit and was now flipping around in it like Shamoo at a Sea World show, sobbing at the fact that I had taken two steps outside the bathroom and had abandoned him to this fate.
So, I’ve been dividing my time, this weekend, between sickness and triumph as I’ve watched “I Just Want to Pee Alone” climb to the very top of the charts on Amazon books, Kindle books, and iTunes.
If you haven’t yet ordered or downloaded your copy, please click through on the link to the right. It will be well worth your time and your money.
The result of all of these ups and downs is that I’ve got absolutely no original content for you, today.
However, because sick kids tend to like to look at pictures of themselves in happier times, I have spent some time going back through my archives and, today, I was struck by three older posts that I’d like to share with you.
I thought it might be interesting (at least, interesting to me) to re-answer the questions, four years later.
A lot has happened in four years.
We’ve moved, we had Tiny, I switched positions within my school, Real Man earned a promotion, I turned 40, I got published, I gained weight, I lost weight, I gained weight, I lost weight.
A lot has happened in four years.
So, here are today’s answers to these 20 Questions:
1. Show us the inside of something cute.
I’ve got a sick toddler, here, people.
I think I’ve been seeing enough of what’s inside of something cute for all of us for quite some time.
Trust me on this one.
2. What’s the last homecooking you had?
I made baked mac and cheese last night.
Elbow macaroni, cheddar cheese, milk, cream of mushroom sauce.
Mix it all together and bake at 350 for an hour.
Delish.
3. What do you miss?
I miss my Grandma.
I think she’d get a real kick out of me writing part of a book.
I also think she’d get a real kick out of the monkeys.
4. What makes you laugh often?
The first answer is, obviously, Real Man and the monkeys.
We’ve got a lot of great laughter in my house.
The second answer is the women with whom I share “I Just Want to Pee Alone.”
I didn’t join a sorority in college, but I sure feel like I’m in one now, and good lord, these women make me laugh.
Finally, I am laughing until I need my inhaler at these videos on You Tube.
One of my colleagues shared them with me, (because you have to have the sense of humor of a 13 year old in order to teach at a middle school), and I’ve been laughing ever since.
They have them for Adele, Taylor Swift and others, but here’s a hilarious Bon Jovi one for you:
5. What’s your favorite word?
Author.
Because, since the book came out yesterday, that’s how I’m viewing myself these days and it feels damn good.
6. What are you trying to quit?
I’m trying to quit Heath Ledger, but just like Jake Gyllenhaal, I can’t quit him.
No, I kid, although I loved Heath and am still utterly devastated over his death.
These days, I’m trying to quit Girl Scout cookies.
I have absolutely no self-control.
I ate three boxes of Tagalongs in three days and then came to school and answered an email offering people extra boxes and bought three more.
I have a problem.
7. What’s your favorite commercial right now?
I laugh out loud every single time I see the Volkswagen commercial with the Dad teaching his son how to throw a baseball.
8. Whose style do you dig?
I gotta stay with my 2009 answer here, folks.
Jennifer Garner. Without a doubt. I’ve never seen someone so incredibly comfortable with herself. She’s just as beautiful in jeans and a t-shirt as she is on the red carpet. She just strikes me as a beautiful, happy woman who enjoys life. So, the style I admire isn’t necessarily fashion, but her style of living.
9. Link to a great blog you’ve discovered lately.
Well, as you know, I’ve recently discovered 36 great blogs, but I’m going to link you to the blog that started this whole anthology writing scheme…People I Want to Punch in the Throat.
10. What’s the last craft you made?
Uh…um…uh…I’ve not been particularly crafty lately.
In fact, I’m not sure I even remember the last craft I made.
I can pretty much guarantee that I haven’t done anything crafty in over a year.
Maybe two.
11. A photo of the last happy mail you got :]
Yeah, I’m not going to take a picture of it, because of all of the details on it, but yesterday I received an invitation to a baby shower.
Very happy mail, indeed.
12. Something you’ve got lately?
A mild case of bronchitis?
A migraine?
3 extra pounds that I call “Tagalong,” “Samoa,” and “Thin Mint”?
A baby with a stomach bug?
Take your pick.
13. What are you looking forward to?
Next weekend, I’m heading into the city to hang with my girls.
We haven’t gotten together since Kim’s wedding and we’ve all had some changes in our lives and it will be nice just to decompress and hang together!
Can’t wait. Seriously can’t wait.
14. Post a recent snapshot of yourself.
You can just refer back to this post for a slew of recent snapshots of me.
15. Recent Favorite Movie?
I haven’t actually watched a movie in awhile, so I don’t really know.
So, I’ll answer it differently.
I’m hoping to see “Oz” and I think it will be my favorite movie for awhile.
Just need to get everyone healthy and have an unscheduled minute in our weekends before we can even think about going.
Maybe when it comes out on DVD.
16. Something you’re working on right now?
I’m working on editing my novel and getting it published, which is pretty much what I was working on in 2009.
That whole full-time job, four kids, husband, house gig takes up too much time!
17. If a movie were made about you, who would play you?
Still Reese Witherspoon, although, some days, I feel more like Melissa McCarthy.
18. What gives you goosebumps?
The t.v. show, Scandal.
I’m a little obsessed.
19. Share a new obsession.
Wait…I think I just did.
Okay, let’s pick another one.
I kinda can’t stop thinking about this adorable purse since I blogged about it awhile ago.
It is so non-functional for my life and way out of my budget.
I love it, though.
So much.
20. What’s the meaning of your life?
I want to make people smile, raise happy, well-adjusted kids, and be a good person.
So…originally we weren’t going to start pushing the sales of the book until Monday, but several factors gave us a jump start (like Amazon promoting it themselves and our subsequent rise on the sales charts) and so we’ve decided to push ahead and start our major promotion today! Since it’s been released, we’ve already hit the top 10 Amazon Hot New Releases!
That being said…
It’s time to buy my book!!!
If you buy the book using the link to Amazon on the right-hand side of my blog page, I will make a small percentage from the sale of the book (in fact, it’s the only money I make from this book aside from a small writing fee) so please use my link to purchase if you’re getting it through Amazon. (Please remember you can use this link for all of your Amazon needs. It will take you to my book, but you can navigate away from there once you get to the site.) I appreciate your business and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! I haven’t found a story yet that hasn’t made me smile, laugh, chuckle and there’s even one that made me cry AND laugh at the same time!
The essays are raw and unfiltered, so it is not for the faint of heart. These ladies are funny, and these ladies are as real as it gets. My essay is pretty tame in comparison to many of the hysterical stories in the book, but they all are guaranteed to make you smile.
If you buy the book, read it and absolutely LOVE IT, we would greatly appreciate it if you’d go back to Amazon and leave a review of the book. This is really very helpful with sales. If you didn’t like it after you’ve read it, do me a favor. Tell ME, don’t go and tell Amazon. I take constructive criticism much better than sales ratings at Amazon do.
Right now, the book is available at Amazon in both paperback and Kindle format. It will soon be available through Barnes & Noble as well as iTunes.
So, thank you in advance, and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!!!
1. Does your family coordinate clothing for church on holidays like Easter?
No.
Never.
We barely coordinate our own outfits for ourselves on a daily basis, much less bother coordinating with each other.
2. How do you get out of a funk?
Dancing, baby.
Really loud music and just dancing and totally rocking out.
Works every single time.
3. Online friends – real friendships or not?
If you had asked me this five years ago, I think I might have said not real.
However, in that time, I believe I’ve found that the nature of human relationships has changed and that it is possible to create and sustain real friendships online.
I have friends who met their spouses online and before they met, they started friendships.
Some of them were friends for a year or two, online, before they finally met.
They are in some, what appear to be, very strong marriages.
I’ve built friendships with people I knew a bit,in person, but online have come to know much better and these friendships, as well, are very real and very special to me.
Of course, there are people who create faux personas (and I don’t mean people who steal identities) and put a face online that they would like people to think is real, when, in fact, they are far from their real selves, but these aren’t the people I’m talking about.
So, online friends…real friendships, indeed.
4. What is the one food you must eat in a restaurant (not make yourself)?
Um, considering my extremely limited cooking skills, I’d say just about anything on the menu.
If I had to pick one, I’d go with filet mignon. There is nothing like a good filet.
And when I cook it, it is not a good filet.
I will also order chicken quesadillas wherever I go.
I make quesadillas, but not chicken quesadillas, so I’m a bit of a restaurant connoisseur of the chicken quesadilla.
5. What would happen in your home if you ran out of ketchup?
Nothing.
No one around here eats ketchup except Real Man, and even then, he only eats it on meatloaf or hamburgers.
I think the ketchup we currently have in the fridge has lasted almost two years.
Why?
What happens in other homes when they run out of ketchup?
