My Real Life

A few months ago, Real Man bought a new computer.

This means, that he promised the monkeys he would bring down the computer he was currently using and swap it out for the dinosaur they use in the basement.

Yesterday, he finally got around to making the switch, but before disconnecting, he backed up the info on the old computer.

Then, he started going through it.

As he looked at old PowerPoints, word documents, and various other things that the monkeys had created and saved, he came across this gem from Monkey Girl.

Before reading, let me give you some background.

Many, many moons ago, I used to knit.

I was given a bunch of yarn from a friend, but much of it was wool, to which I am highly allergic.

So, I gave the wool yarn away on Freecycle.

If you haven’t tried Freecycle for your area, you really, really should.

Anyway, the woman who took the yarn was named Bonnie Norkin, and a few days after she picked up the yarn, she called me and left a very, very sweet message.

She had a midwestern accent that reminded me of my Grandma, and we played that message over and over and over.

And so, in a completely ridiculous private joke, our family often pulls out the name “Bonnie Norkin.”

Not to make fun of her, mind you…just to remember.

So, here is Monkey Girl’s story, written when she was 10.

There’s nothing like 10 year-old humor.

 Fanny Norkin and Her Yarn

I dedicate this little story to my 3 wonderful little brothers, who know when I need some cheering up.

 This woman is Fanny.  Her whole name is Fanny Norkin

Fanny had a wonderful family.  Her husband Norbert worked as a manager of a successful business.  He is the wonderful man in the background.

 Her daughter was 10 and named Whilamina.  Whilamina was very thoughtful, but could be very clumsy.  She goes to school and learns a lot.

Her oldest son, Bob, was very serious but loved to play sports.  He liked football best.  He didn’t enjoy homework.

 They also had a boy named Richard.  Richard liked art and superheroes.  He could name mostly all of them.  One day, as all the Norkin’s know, he will go to Gotham City and meet Batman.  That is his dream.  He’s a little on the silly side.

Then there was little baby Mark.  He was 1 and loved to play with balls.  When you rolled a ball towards him, he giggled like you just mushed pie in your face.  Fanny loved him.

These are the Norkin’s.

      “Supper!” called Fanny from her spot in the kitchen.  Her three norkonauts ran in the room.  First, walked in Whilamina, clumsily bouncing about.  In true Whilamina style, she crashed her elbow on the wall and tripped over a chair to where she lay on the floor.

“I’m okay” she said as she got up, rubbing her elbow.  “I’ll save you!”  Richard yelled.  He ran across the room to help her up.  He forgot to stop and tripped over Whilamina sending her back to the floor.  “He’s at the 30, the 20, the 10… TOUCHDOOOOOWWWWW…”  Bob tripped over the two of them making a pile of norkonauts.  It made everyone giggle when Mark crawled up Whilamina and plopped down on her stomach.

Well, that was very silly.  They had cavatelli and broccoli for dinner.

When Fanny was cleaning up, she decided that Richard needed a scarf to be a super-duper-hero.  She ran to her room and went to her closet.  It was very messy.  She realized that she had no yarn!

Fanny decided to go sit on their new porcelain throne.  It helped her think.  Some days, she would just sit on the toilet and think about everything in the whole entire world.

Fanny called up her sister, Buttoxa.  Buttoxa had a lot of sewing needles.  She sent them through the mail.  Whilamina was screaming at Bob because he ate the last doughnut that she had said that SHE wanted.  Richard looked at Bob and stuck his tounge out and sang the “tootie-ta” song.

“I’m Fanny Norkin and I need yarn!”  That’s the words that came out of Fanny’s mouth at the Fiddle’s on Fire Parade.

“Tootie ta?” Mark said curiously.

Whilamina whispered “Mom you’re so embarrassing!”  Fanny said “Buttoxa, can Whoopee and Cush come over after the parade.

“You’re so embarrassing!”  Buttoxa screamed.  The parade seemed to freeze and stare.

      “Well I’m calling Bobert!  He has yarn!”  Fanny announced.  Whilamina just stared.  Richard was saying the name Ricardo over and over again.  Mark just stuck out his tongue     Bobert gave her yarn and she was happy.  Richard got an unwanted scarf.  Whilamina got a hat and Bob got mittens.

80 well spent years later!

The Ceremony was Beautiful.  There were flowers on the ground as the casket was lowered.  The will was about to be read.

“I am George Bober and this is what Miss Fanny’s Will says!  I leave all my belongings to my kids and husband and so on so forth!  Oh! and George Bober!  Just wanted to say Thanks for the Yarn!”

Fanny had always been one for jokes.  Her sad kids and her grandchildren all had a knowing smile on there faces.  This was Fanny Norkin… Give her yarn!

So, yeah, it was written by a 10 year old, and because she’s mine, I probably think it’s cuter than anyone else who would ever read it.

I’m grateful not to have a sister, in real life, because I have a feeling she wouldn’t speak to us again after finding that her niece named her “Buttoxa.”

I will say that she’s quite insightful, and perhaps is a bit of a seer, because did you notice the part where she wrote about “Fanny” going to the bathroom do be alone and do her best thinking?

Could she have been foreseeing her mother’s best-selling book “I Just Want to Pee Alone?”

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

Anyway, I’m glad Real Man saved it, because I know she’ll like looking back on it someday.

I’m not great with saving every piece of paper they bring home from school, but I do try to hang on to stories, photos, and anything with a handprint on it.

We’ll probably print this one out and add it to the memory box.

Those of you with kids, do you save everything your child writes, makes, creates?

Or, like me, do you pare it down to only certain things?

I’m always curious how other people tame the paper monster, and would love for you to weigh in!