My Real Life

1.  This was my Facebook status on Monday night.

A friend suggested I post it here.

Apparently, my children have taken a vote and they would like me to never make roast beef again because it’s “the grossest thing ever.” In unrelated news, roast beef has suddenly become my favorite meal and I think we’ll be having it, at least, twice a week.

Roast beef has long been a nemesis of the monkeys.

However, it’s crock-pottable, I use the leftovers to make sandwiches for my lunches during the following week, and Real Man and I like it.

So, they usually grumble, but eat their small portions (because I’m not a short order cook and what’s for dinner is what’s for dinner, whether you like it or not) and are on their way.

When they assembled and actually took a vote about it, however, while secretly pleased that they were working together on something, the steam came out of my ears, and all of those phrases you swear you’ll never say to your own kids started coming out of my mouth.

“When you start cooking dinners around here, you can make whatever you want!”

“Do you know how many children around the world would LOVE a meal like this?”

You can imagine the rest.

Needless to say, my Facebook status stands, and if anyone local sees a great two roasts for the price of one sale, gimme a holla.

2.  The missing iPod continues to be missing.

At this point, I think it’s a loss.

I’m 99.9% convinced it is no longer in the house, and if that is the case, then it’s gone.

I feel badly for her because I know how much she loved that thing.

I’m angry with her because it was irresponsible.

But, you know what?  It’s life.

We’ve all lost something we shouldn’t have lost when we were kids.

Retainers, glasses, favorite toys, etc.

Next time, I’m pretty sure she will be more responsible.

3.  I’m tired.

I have a feeling all of you are tired, too.

And, because I’m so tired, I did a bad thing today.

I cancelled a doctor appointment for myself because I just couldn’t bear another night of running from 7 am until 7 pm.

Again, I know I’m not the only one with this kind of schedule, and maybe the rest of you are handling it worlds better than I am, but something’s gotta give.

After I hung up the phone, I realized that I had made a mistake.

I’m so busy running around for everyone else that I am now neglecting to take care of myself.

Granted, it was a dermatologist appointment and not for anything more important than cosmetic issues, but it was still something that would allow me to take care of me and I cancelled it.

So, I don’t really know how, but in the new year, I need to make some changes.

I’m not quitting my job or anything ridiculous like that.

I love working and I love my career.

However, changes are needed, and I think I might make it a feature on the blog, like Simple Saturdays or Slow Down Sundays or something.

Keeps me accountable, keeps me on track, and I think it’s a pretty good plan.

4.  Baby Monkey has begun a campaign to have a later bedtime.

However, he doesn’t see it as a campaign.

He sees it as a restoration of his rights and a restoration to the way things “used to be.”

Except, his version of what used to be and our version of what used to be are nothing alike.

See, Baby Monkey has convinced himself that in September and October, we let him stay up until 9 pm on school nights.

This is absolutely, unequivocally not true.

Yet, he is convinced.

And, I know this kid, and he’s not just trying to manipulate us.

He somehow actually remembers bedtime being at 9 pm on school nights in September and October.

I’m thinking that maybe it was a common theme in his nightly sleepwalking strolls and that it became reality, but he never complained about his 7:30 bedtime in September and October, and he can tell time, so he has me befuddled.

When we start reading books at 7, he starts up with “This is SO unfair!  You used to let us stay up until 9 on school nights!  Now you make me go to bed at 7:30.  Why am I getting in trouble and having to go to bed so early?  Not fair!”

And when we try to remind him that this has always been bedtime, he starts in with the whole 9 pm rant.

It’s weird.

Definitely weird.

5.  Speaking of bedtime, Tiny has decided to be our first child with bedtime issues.

We’ve been spoiled.  Definitely spoiled.

All four of our children started sleeping through the night very young (Monkey Girl was 6 weeks) and have been power sleepers.

Baby Monkey had a month or so when he decided he wasn’t going to sleep.

He must have been about 6 months old.

The only way we could get that baby to sleep was by bouncing our bodies in an inverted V pattern.

Not an actual V, mind you.

An inverted V.

He knew if the pattern changed and started crying immediately.

We would be tired of standing still in the bouncing inverted V and would start walking around in a weird bouncing march of inverted V and when one of our thighs would start to give out, we’d pass him off to the other.

Teamwork.

Monkey Girl was the only one who stopped napping early, but the boys have all been champion nappers.

Recently, (okay, it’s only been two nights, but it is hellish), we take Tiny in, go through our normal bedtime routine, and as soon as we shut the door behind us he starts screaming.

Not crying.

Not calling.

Screaming.

Then, after a few minutes, the screaming turns into screaming and crying and I swear to God, it sounds like he is being murdered.

We give him about 20 minutes, then go in.

He’s standing in his crib, face covered in snot and tears.

So, I rub his back and clean his face (not turning the lights on, not speaking), and rub his back and kiss his head and face while he’s standing.

Eventually, his legs give out and he lays down and I rub his back and cover him and rub his back.

When his breathing has regulated and he’s warm and cozy and hasn’t made a sound in about 10 minutes, I head for the door and the screaming starts again.

So, we let him go for awhile, and after about 20 more minutes, Real Man heads in.

Same story.

Last night it took three hours to get him to sleep.

Tonight, we are now at an hour and a half with no end in sight.

It’s heartbreaking…truly, it is.

He doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything…just doesn’t want to sleep.

He’s exhausted…yawning and rubbing his eyes and saying “Night Night,” but not able to pull the trigger and actually allow himself to sleep.

I know it will work itself out.

In the meantime, we’ll just continue the shift work like we used to do with Baby, because that’s what partners do.