Today’s question comes from Heather.
Heather writes:
Do you have any really “bizarre” quirks? Like, I rarely if ever buy the same toothpaste two times in a row. I just can’t. I get bored with toothpaste flavor and style and truly, I can’t buy the same one twice. It’s so odd I almost can’t admit it but I just did.
Once again, I turned to Real Man, who, apparently, doesn’t know that the correct answer to, “Honey, do I have any really bizarre quirks?” is “What??? Are you crazy? You are the perfect woman! The perfect human! Quirks? Ha! You laugh in the face of quirks!”
Instead, he began to rattle off a list.
1. When I eat Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Eggs, Trees, Hearts, and whatever other shape they come in, I eat all the chocolate off, until I am left with a weird, misshapen lump of peanut butter.
Then, I put it on my tongue and smush it up against the roof of my mouth.
Then, I try to swallow it and my voice gets all icky and chokey.
And I love it.
Not eating my Reese’s like a normal person.
Quirk.
2. We try to watch tv in the living room, as we have a beautiful tv in there.
However, some nights, I can tell I’m going to fall asleep, and I hate falling asleep on the couch and having to move, so we go upstairs and watch in bed.
As we’re watching, I think I’m awake.
I’m positive I’m awake.
I hear Real Man say, “Amy, are you awake?”
I say, “Yes.”
He says, “I don’t think so.”
And, at this point, I realize my eyes are closed and I open them and find Real Man’s hand in front of my face, where it has been, apparently, for five minutes.
Not being able to admit when I’m asleep.
Quirk.
3. The moment I wake up in the morning, Real Man can tell if I’ve had asthma in the night, whether or not he woke up when I used my inhaler.
How?
Because, when I have asthma, even when I’m sleeping, I scratch the lower right side of my cheek.
And I scratch it until it bleeds.
I don’t even know I’m doing it, but I do.
Every time.
Scratching the heck outta my face when I can’t breathe.
Quirk.
4. When I eat M&M’s, I eat them by color.
Now, I don’t make charts and graphs, like Monkey in the Middle:
But, I do like my M&M’s eaten in an orderly fashion.
Neat M&M eating.
Quirk.
5. I turn everything into a song.
Everything.
But, Real Man recognizes that he does it, too.
Sometimes we make up the melody, but sometimes we use other songs.
For example, as I am typing this, Tiny is sleeping, but everyone else is up, and we are hanging in the living room.
Monkey in the Middle and I are playing Words With Friends against each other, and he is beating the pants off of me (and no, I do NOT let him win) because he’s got good strategy and he is leaving me nowhere to go.
So, I made one good move and he says, “Mom…you’re killing me!”
And, Real Man and I immediately started singing about me killing him to the tune of “Killing Me Softly.”
It probably went on for ten minutes.
And, after the first three minutes, we started singing in weird voices, and the kids just began to shake their heads.
Putting everything to song and then using a weird voice to sing it.
Quirk.
