My Real Life

So, I’ll admit it.

My boys don’t get a bath every single night.

Look, it’s been wintry and cold.

They go to school, they come home and play board games or Wii or xBox or computer or read books.

They don’t get too dirty in the winter.

They wash their hands constantly and clean their faces and brush their teeth.

They are presentable and “clean enough.”

I’m not saying we go weeks without a bath, I’m just saying it’s not every night.

Life sometimes trumps bath.

Anyway…

Those days are over.

Way over.

The boys have discovered showers.

Actually, they shower every summer at the beach house in the outdoor shower.

However, they somehow never made the connection between that shower and the two at home.

So, they continued to have baths.

Then, last week, Monkey in the Middle came home from baseball and Monkey Girl and I wrinkled our noses at each other as he ran past us.

I told him he needed a shower because he smelled like sweat and a shower would be quicker than a bath.

He thought it would be fun, and of course, because Monkey in the Middle was having one, Baby Monkey HAD to have one, so we said Middleman would go first, then it would be Baby Monkey’s turn.

Real Man helped the boys out with those first showers, and it went great, so the next time I figured they had it.

Next day, the boys are asking to take showers as soon as they woke up.

I was able to hold them off until they had played outside for the day and were settling in for the night.

Again, Middleman went first.

Baby Monkey waited.

And waited.

And waited.

See, I thought no one could ever take a longer shower than Monkey Girl.

I was wrong.

When he was finally done, we had a talk about water conservation and the corresponding length of showers.

Then, Baby Monkey took his shower.

Guess what?

Yep.

Longer than Monkey in the Middle.

Me:  “Baby Monkey…you about done?”

BM: “Not yet.  I’m washing my feet!”

Me:  “Okay, hurry up, though.”

Five Minutes Later

Me:  “Baby Monkey…you about done?”

BM:  “Not yet.  I’m washing my hands!”

(Which got me to thinking…do people make a point of actually washing their hands in the shower?  I mean, isn’t the whole shower a long session of hand-washing?)

Me:  “You don’t need to wash your hands.  They get clean while you wash your body.”

BM:  “No.  I need to wash my hands, then I’m done.”

Five Minutes Later

Me:  “Um, I thought you were just washing your hands and then you were all done.”

BM:  “Um…I’m washing…I’m washing…”

Leading to me opening the shower curtain and peeking in to find Baby Monkey laying on the floor of the shower, on his belly.

BM:  “Look Mommy!  I’m swimming!”

Me:  “Out.”

I’m not sure if Baby Monkey actually washed anything that day, but hey, the water had to have rinsed away some dirt, right?

Since then the showers have shortened a bit in length, which is a good thing, because these boys want showers all the time.

Monkey in the Middle gets home from school and does his homework as quickly as possible and then says “Can I take my shower now?”

I remind him he has baseball and he can take a shower after baseball.

His response?

“I’ll just take two!”

We’ll wade our way through  these showers and keep them to a maximum of one per day, per child, until the teenage years when I might be begging the boys to take more than one a day, just to keep my gag reflex in check.

(I teach 8^th graders…I know of what I speak.)

By then, we’ll have 3 boys needing showers and a teenage girl monopolizing the bathroom.

Oh, it’s gonna be fun!