My Real Life

So, my camera appears to be broken, which is devastating, as I have so many pictures on there that I wanted to share with you.

Real Man is working on getting the photos downloaded, even though the darn thing won’t turn on, and so in the mean time, I’ve decided to entertain you with a story from my past.

When I graduated from college, I lived at home for a period of some months before moving into my own place.

The summer right after I graduated, I got a job at a local stationery store and Real Man was working at the local road department.

We also started dating (again) that summer.

So, one day, Real Man called me at my parents house.

I answered the phone, in my room and said, “Hi!”

He replied, “Hi!”

But then, my mother picked up the extension downstairs, because our intense “Hi” conversation hadn’t taken more than a second and she said, “Hello?” thinking she was the first person to answer the phone.

Real Man didn’t say a thing.

See, he expected me to say “Mom, I got it.”

Because, that’s what a normal person would do.

That’s what a polite person would do.

That’s what a person who wasn’t an only child with an overactive imagination who had spent WAY too many hours entertaining herself and coming up with plans and schemes would have done.

Yet, that’s NOT what I did.

Instead, I put on my best Brooklyn accent, lowered my voice a few octaves and said, “Mrs. Lawrence?”

My Mom said, “Yes?”

I said, “This is Joe from VW credit.  I’m calling to set a time to come over and repossess your car.”

“What???”

“Yeah, I need to come over and repossess your car.”

My Mother was stunned.

“But, but…my husband pays that bill every month!  I don’t understand!”

“Well, I guess he ain’t as on top of it as you think he is, huh?”

My Mom was yelling and trying to convince me to not repossess the car and I kept explaining that I didn’t deal with the finance end of things.  Finance gave me her number and I had to come and get the car.

When she finally started saying things like, “But…my car!….my baby!” I decided it was time to let her off the hook.

“Ma?” I said, in my own voice.

“Amy, hang up the phone,” she said, thinking I had picked up the extension.

“No, Mom…it’s me.”

“What?”

“It’s me Mom…I’m Joe from VW credit.”

“What?”

I put the Joe voice back on, said a few words, then said, “See?  Me!”

Silence.

Then, I heard her extension hang up.

Real Man simply said, “You are terrible.”

I said, “I know.”

I didn’t smoke.

I didn’t drink.

I didn’t do drugs.

But, I did have a penchant for the hijinks.

Still do.

I’d like to say that was the last time I ever pranked my parents, particularly with the phone.

I’d like to say that.

Can’t.

If the camera doesn’t get fixed today, perhaps you’ll hear another story.

Cuz, the truth is, this ain’t the worst of it, folks.

Love you, Mom and Dad! 🙂