My Real Life

So, Saturday started out like any other day around here.  Kids up at the crack of dawn, breakfast, games, etc.  It was a good day.

We’ve gotten almost all of our Back-to-School shopping done, however, we needed new sneakers for Monkey Girl and Monkey in the Middle.  I’ve never seen children wear shoes like these kids.  It may have something to do with the stream in our backyard and the exploring that they like to do in the woods.  It doesn’t really matter how they get that way…the bottom line is, they needed new sneakers.

So, we decided to hit the mall.  I hate shopping.  I hate malls.  Always have.  Always will.  However, sometimes it’s a necessity, and it’s a real treat for the kids since we don’t do it often.

The kids favorite thing about the malls here is that they all are now equipped with play areas.  Being that they are monkeys, you can imagine how much they love to climb and play.

Another favorite thing of my kids at the mall is Mrs. Fields where we usually buy each monkey a cookie.  Unfortunately, the mall we went to on Saturday was the one without a Mrs. Fields.  So, we timed our trip around lunch time and treated the monkeys to McDonalds, instead.  Big treat.  BIG.

While we waited in line, the monkeys swarmed the scary Ronald McDonald that sits on the bench by the checkout counter.  I’ve never understood the thought behind taking a scary clown (and if you try to tell me that clowns don’t horrify you, too, I won’t believe you) and making it into an advertising gimmick to get kids into your restaurant.  If the Chicken McNuggets didn’t rock my world as a kid, I’d have run screaming as we passed every McDonalds.  (Don’t even get me started on the Grimace.  What the heck is he, anyway?)

So, here they are with their long-lost friend, Ronald.

I always think he’s going to come to life and eat the kids while they climb on him.  So freaky.

After lunch, we decided we had dilly-dallied enough and it was time to find shoes for the monkeys.  Stride Rite was RIDICULOUSLY busy, so while Real Man went off in search of some new shoes for himself, I took the monkeys to Sears.  We found great sneakers there and were set. 

I called Real Man on my cell and said, “Where are you?”  His response was the cruelest thing he’s ever said to me.

“I’m at…the pet store.”

See, Real Man doesn’t ever want a pet again, so why he was at the pet store is a mystery to me.  I can only imagine that it was to torment me, but since I know how much he loves me, I refuse to buy that as a reason. 

Knowing he wasn’t purposefully trying to crush my soul didn’t help as the monkeys and I approached the pet store and saw this sign in the window:

Puppy Sale. 

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

There were the cutest puppies I’ve ever seen in that store.  Puggles and Shi-Tzus and Dachsunds.  A beautiful English Spaniel, and a tiny little English Sheepdog that better be adopted soon or he’s gonna hulk his way out of that cage.

Then, there he was.  An absolutely gorgeous golden Labrador Retriever puppy.  I could hear the sound of my heart breaking in a million pieces as he looked at me through the bars of the cage.  It was love at first sight.  I know we both had visions of running toward each other in a field of tall grasses.  We imagined me sneaking him food from the table, taking him for walks, and letting him up on the bed after Real Man had fallen asleep. 

Alas, it was not meant to be.  We’re not getting a dog, and if we were (which we’re not) we’d adopt from a shelter.  And still…

I wonder if he’s thinking about me right now.