My Real Life

So, this year, we got a great deal on beach house in North Carolina.  Our vacations have always been limited to the Jersey Shore, so when we saw how reasonable the price was, we knew we had to go for it.

Our original plan was to put the kids to bed, pack the car, and sleep until 3 am.  Then, we were going to wake up, carefully carry the kids from their beds to the car, sure not to wake them, and start driving. 

By the time Friday night rolled around, however, we realized that we were definitely not going to be up for driving ten hours after sleeping for a few, so we modified our plan.  Now, we decided, we would put the kids to bed, but we would stay up, then at midnight, we’d carefully carry the kids from their beds to the car, sure not to wake them, and start driving.  Better plan.  However, as always happens, life had another plan.

We put the kids to bed at 9:00.  (On the weekends, they all have sleepovers in Monkey Girl’s room.  They can stay up until 9:00, watch movies in the basement, and have popcorn.)  Real Man and I packed the car, and sat down to watch some television.  Then the visits began.

9:10 – Monkey Girl comes down to say she can’t sleep because she is so excited.  We tell her to go back to bed because she’s going to keep her brothers up.

9:20 – Baby Monkey comes down to say he can’t sleep because he is so excited.  We tell him to go back to bed because he’s going to keep his brother and sister up.

9:30 – Monkey in the Middle comes down to say he can’t sleep because he is so excited.  We tell him to go back to bed because he’s going to keep his brother and sister up.

And so it goes until 10:30, when Real Man and I looked at each other and said, “Let’s go.”

So, we packed the kids in the car, snuggled tight in their pillows and blankets, and off we went.

We figured that, certainly, they’d all be asleep within the hour.  Oh no…they were up and up and up and up.  Baby Monkey was the last to fall asleep at 1:15 am. 

With the new quiet in the car, Real Man and I knew we had to do something to stay awake.  So, we started scanning the radio stations.  Friday night is 80’s night, pretty much everywhere, apparently, and so we had a great time singing along with some of our 80’s favorites.  Real Man almost ran off the road several times as I regaled him with my version of the lyrics to many of our favorite songs. 

Example:  Flashdance.  You know when she sings “Take your passion and make it happen?”  Yeah, I always thought it was “Take your pants down and make it happen.”  Growing up, I thought it was a dirty, dirty song.  Turns out, not so much.

When Irene Cara sings out “Being’s believing,” I thought it was “Beans believing.”  It didn’t make any sense.  Maybe there were some sentient beans out there in the welding world where Jennifer Beals was working and they were believing in her talent.  I don’t know.  Still, it worked for me. 

There were others, but I’d like to maintain my dignity awhile longer.

So, we kept driving.  We were really surprised by the amount of traffic on the road at 3 am.  I mean, where were these people going?  Who, in their right mind, would be driving through Maryland at 3 am???

There were some interesting street names we passed on our way.  My favorite was Backlick Road.  How does that not sound like a comeon when someone asks you where you live?  “Backlick Road, baby… come on by.”  Ick.

I started to fade and Real Man was anxiously trying to engage me in conversation, when Angel Eyes by the Jeff Healey Band came on.  LOVE that song.  So, that woke me right up, particularly when it was followed by the Hooters with And We Danced.  Those kids slept through Real Man and I singing some of these songs at the top of our lungs.  Or, maybe they were just pretending to sleep, embarassed that passing cars might think they were actually with us.

One of my new favorite songs I’m Your’s by Jason Mraz was played approximately 14 times on our 10 hour trip.  That made me happy.  By time number 4, I don’t think it was making anyone else happy.

Around 4 am, we decided to switch drivers, and I took over.  I love driving Real Man’s truck, but I’m always a little overwhelmed with it.  He drives a Ford Expedition, and next to that, my Dodge Caravan Minivan is like a Smart Car.  I’m queen of the road in that Expedition, but I can never quite tell if I’m driving in the lines.  I mean, my God, I’m fifty feet above the road in that thing.  Who can tell where they are?

At 4:52 am, I had a complete out of body experience.  At 4:52 am, we had 452 miles to go, according to Real Man’s GPS.  Trust me, at 4:52 am, that was the absolute coolest thing I had ever seen.

So, while Real Man had been driving, he had mentioned that some of the stuff in the back of the truck was positioned so that, in the dark, it looked like Yoda.  I looked back, from the passenger seat, and didn’t see it.  From the drivers seat, it was uncanny.  Our sheets and pillows were Yoda.  So, around 5:00 am, we started to entertain ourselves talking like Yoda.  “Getting close, we are,” and “Sustenance we need.”   Again, very funny at 5 am after driving all night.

At 5:11 am, we passed into North Carolina and at that point, the music moved to ballads of the 80’s.  We were rocking out to Missing You by Tom Waite and Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply.  There were many, many more, but again, to preserve our integrity, I don’t think I’ll go through the full list.

By 7:17 am, we needed gas…badly.  So, we stopped at a gas station, and as we opened the doors, we were greeted with some lovely Frank Sinatra-type music blasting from speakers.  We began our fill-up to The Wee Small Hours of the Morning and finished up with Three Coins in the Fountain.  It was the most melodic fill-up I’ve ever experienced.  At this point, the kids were up and were sure we were going to get in trouble for touching the gas pumps.  In NJ, there is no self-service.  It’s actually illegal, if I remember correctly.  So, this is something the kids have never seen before.  Not to worry, though…we pump a mean tank of gas.

We got back in the car, and were greeted with Drew Talks which is another favorite of mine.   At this point, Baby Monkey started in with “I’m staaaaaaaaaarving,” and so we decided to stop for breakfast.  We saw a sign for a Waffle House, and thought, ‘Waffle House…sounds like a good breakfast place.’

So, we pull in.  We should have known there would be a problem as soon as we approached the restaurant and saw the windows streaming with condensation, as if there had been a summer storm.  But, at this point, we’d been up for a little more than 24 hours, and we weren’t quite thinking straight. 

We went in.  It was 30 degrees in that restaurant.  We tried to find a booth that wasn’t directly under a vent, but when we looked up, we saw that just about every ceiling tile was a vent.  This gave Real Man and I a case of the No-Sleep-Giggles.  Then, we sat down.  There was no table or booth big enough to accommodate all 5 of us, so I smushed with the boys on my side and Real Man and Monkey Girl smushed on the other.  The waitress came over and took our order. 

When she asked, in her very pronounced southern accent, if we wanted bacon with our eggs, Baby Monkey said, in his loudest voice, “Mama, why’d she say baaaaycon?  Why’d she say baaaaaycon?”  I started to try to shush him, but I made the mistake of looking at Real Man who was shaking with laughter, and I started laughing as well, while shooting Baby Monkey the sternest look I could manage at that point.  The waitress was quite gracious, realizing, I think, that we were way out of our element.

It’s entirely possible that at this point, we looked like this:

It was at this point that Baby Monkey started in with his daily round of questions.  He began with asking if syrup was made out of orange juice, and finished up with asking something about toilet paper.  It’s a wonder Real Man and I were able to eat anything, as we couldn’t stop with the sleep-deprived laughter.  We must have looked like two insane people, and I’m surprised none of the other customers took the kids and refused to let us drive anywhere with them.

However, we got back in the car, drove away, and about an hour later, arrived at our destination.  It was a beautiful day, so we hit the beach as soon as we unpacked.  We were dragging, and when the kids went to bed, we went to bed, but it was a great trip. 🙂