My Real Life

June 25, 2014

I See You

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amy @ 6:00 am

Real Man lost 80 pounds over the past 12 months.

Let me say that again.

Since September, Real Man has lost 80 pounds.

The weight loss, itself, is not exactly what this post is about, but I’ll go ahead and answer the first question that everyone has when I tell them about it.

He did it through hard work.

He started with the Couch 2 5K app and could only manage to run 30 seconds at a time.

At first, it was difficult.

Really difficult.

But, if you know Real Man, you know that he doesn’t do anything halfway, and now my husband is a member of the running club at his work and is running in 5K’s once a month (in 21 minutes, no less) and runs 4-5 days a week, before work.

He has spreadsheets and websites and clocks his times and routes and pace and is, quite frankly, kicking ass.

He stopped eating in between meals, cut out soda, and makes good choices when he does eat.

So, again, I say, he did it through hard work.

Now that that is out of the way, let me tell you a story.

Like I said, he’s down 80 pounds.

He started at 260 and is now at 180.

Some people mention it, some people don’t.

But some of the people who do are starting to say things to him like, “Okay…that’s enough now.  I think you should stop.”

They say “You really shouldn’t lose any more weight.”

Or, “Any skinnier and you are going to look sick.”

The other night, Real Man was sharing one of these conversations with me and he said, “If everyone is so concerned about my health, why the hell didn’t they say ‘enough’ when I was 260?  Why wasn’t anyone telling me ‘I think you should stop’ when I was busting out of my clothes?  Where was everyone’s concern for my health then?”

He didn’t say this angrily.

He’s obviously appreciative of the friendlier comments.


Now, let’s be honest…

If someone had actually said that to him, he’d probably have been furious and deeply offended.

However, he has a point.

It’s a bad idea, in general, to ever comment on anyone’s weight.

Too heavy?  No one is going to say “Hey…slow down there, buddy.  You are heading toward a heart attack!”

Lost weight?  Many people would be reluctant to say “Hey!  You look great!” because they are afraid that there is the possibility that you’ve been struck with some type of awful disease.

And yet, maybe those are the things that we need to say to each other.

But maybe we need to say them a little differently.

“I see you.”

“I notice you.”

“I love you, but you don’t look like you are loving yourself.”

These are things that many of us desperately need to hear, but the rest of us just don’t know how to say.

But maybe it’s time we started trying.


  1. My sister became so heavy, she actually broke a bone in her foot. On her own, she decided to lose weight. (She used to be a size 0, and no, I didn’t forget a digit.) After she had lost some (and is still in the process), she talked to her doctor again, and he said that her weight was a factor in the broken foot bone. She was furious that he had never said anything to her about her weight. If your own doctor doesn’t tell you that you are engaging in an activity that is harming your health, who will?

    Comment by DH — June 25, 2014 @ 11:02 am | Reply

    • Wow…that’s unbelievable. I can’t believe her doctor was mum until it was too late. 🙁

      Comment by Amy — June 25, 2014 @ 11:44 am | Reply

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