My Real Life

January 13, 2014

What I’ve Learned from The Walking Dead

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amy @ 6:00 am

On Christmas night, Real Man and I finally took everyone’s advice and  started watching The Walking Dead on Netflix.

Why we waited so long, I’ll never know, because it is awesome.

We were hooked right from episode one, and the benefit of watching on Netflix is that we could binge watch our way through, stopping only when we realized we had better get some sleep because work was beckoning in a few, short hours.

Much like the virus that has zombies overrunning the United States, The Walking Dead has infected my brain and I find myself thinking about it much more than anyone should think about any television show.

Some of my ponderings are storyline related, but sometimes, I find myself thinking about what I have learned by watching the show.

Because the lessons are vast.

1.  If it seems like a zombie apocalypse is imminent, I am getting myself to the ENT and having some high-powered hearing aids made, because, apparently, zombies are sneaky bastards.

People will be having a conversation right in the middle of the street and then, BAM, zombie right behind them.

See, I always thought that zombies walked around consistently making “Uuuuuuuuggggghhhhh” and “Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh” noises, but apparently, that was a misconception.

Occasionally they will let out a sound or two, particularly when they are running or feasting on a particularly tasty human, but for the most part, they shuffle quietly about the town, minding their own business, until some sound catches their attention.

I need to know when they are near, because my reflexes are pretty slow, so I want some high-powered hearing aids to help me hear the shuffle, shuffle, shuffle of dead feet.

2.  I need to create a stockpile of antibiotics.

Who knew there were so many ways to get hurt in a post-apocalyptic world?

We definitely need some more first aid kits, but those first aid kits aren’t going to do us a world of good if we don’t have antibiotics to fight infection, and with my accident-prone daughter, we are going to need them, because I feel like by the time I get to the pharmacies, they will have already been looted, so we need to prepare ahead.

3.  If I’m not right next to Real Man when the zombie apocalypse begins, I really shouldn’t just assume that he’s dead until I see his body or his zombified corpse stumbling toward me.

Because, people, bad things happen when you assume your spouse is dead in the apocalypse.

4.  It’s surprisingly easy, and not that big of a deal, to cut off a limb.

All you need is a belt and a hatchet or a saw and you are good to go.

People can chop off a limb and survive quite well, despite the lack of antibiotics and medical care.

Good to know, because, as I previously mentioned, I don’t have an antibiotic stockpile quite yet, and my first aid kit would be helpful in the event someone skins their knee.

Closing up a nub of an arm?

Probably not gonna cut it.

5.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I find myself thinking things like “Would I be able to shoot someone in the leg and leave them for zombie food to get some medicine back to my sick child?”

“Would I be able to shoot my sister/husband/child/best friend if they turned into a zombie?”

Stuff like that.

6.  Desperate times also make you a fantastic shot.

These people have one gun training session and suddenly, they are able to ride around in cars, shooting at zombies, and hitting them right in between the eyes.

I know people who spend hours and hours at the gun range and still struggle with getting anywhere near the target.

Who knew that the zombie apocalypse would turn them into sharpshooters?

7.  No one likes a know-it-all.

I have spent most of the show wishing for Dale to die, because he is such a freaking know-it-all.

He tried to be the moral high-ground guy, and while he had some good points sometimes, everyone wanted to punch him because it’s the zombie apocalypse.  Don’t talk to us about losing our humanity, dude.  We need to survive.

So, yeah, when the apocalypse comes, I won’t be that guy.

8.  Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.

Someone may seem like the bad guy, but just because they are sweaty and greasy and angry and sullen, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to turn out to be your favorite person during the apocalypse.

Like, maybe your favorite person on any tv show, uh, I mean, during any apocalypse, ever.

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